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Oh How I Tried. Oh How I Cried, Until the Day he Broke Me. Life with a Sociopathic Love Rat

By Teresa Cooper | 28th Mar 2013 | in

Life with a sociopath - Love rats who destroy lives

There is no such a thing as the “perfect” relationship but there are some relationships you will never be able to work out until the damage is done.

A relationship with a sociopath love rat is a roller coaster ride that drags each victim through the depths of despair until they are broken.

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Sociopaths are a threat to your emotions, your mental health, your finances and even your life and he does not and will not care about you. Nothing you do can cure him of his mental illness and ways. You cannot change yourself because it won’t make any difference either. You cannot make him understand how you feel and how much he hurts you because he really doesn’t care. He is totally detached from normal human emotions. This applies to female sociopaths too. He has no feelings for you at all. You are just a means to an end and he will do anything to get it.

Forensic psychologists are still researching the phenomenon and dynamics of the love rat relationships that see victims suffer immensely.


Oh how I tried. Oh how I cried, until the day he broke me. Living with a sociopathic narcissistic personality

Life is full of challenges as relationships come and go. Some stay the same, some are ideal and some relationships get plain ugly. It is hard when a relationship breaks down but what happens when the relationship turns out to be anything but what you thought it was?

There is no such a thing as the “perfect” relationship and with all the best will in the world there are some relationships you will never be able to work out and the damage is irreparable. Some of us trust and some don’t but one thing we all have in common is… you do not know and can’t know the person you have met or fallen in love with until you have spent time with them and that includes those you already know socially. It’s only when you have spent personal time with a sociopath that you can truly understand the full impact such a man will have on your life. Those around you will be blinded by his ability to mislead them into the same falsehood he led you into.

So, Mr. Sociopath has entered your life and you may have met him at work, via friends, out and about or even on holiday. Everyone adores him and he strikes others as the perfect gentleman. “The good catch” soon turns out to be anything but a good catch as you writhe in the pain of his cold emotionless sword that will strike you with precision, time and time again.
There are different sides to sociopaths in how they initially come across to those around them and how they reel you in but what they all have in common is they are the ultimate masters of manipulation and deception. They can and will lull even the most powerful women into a false sense of security. This man knows what he is doing and he will leave you exhausted mentally and emotionally until even the strongest of women become trapped in a web of deception and lies.

Initially you won’t suspect anything until the game begins by which time he has already decided you are the one. You have succumb to his charms or pity card and the slow release manipulation begins. It’s so subtle it goes undetected for some time even months. Remember this man is patient and the stronger you are and harder to break the longer it will take him to bring you down into the dark place he will take you. He might work at a faster pace which depends on how easy he finds it to weave you in and when you first notice the little telltale signs you will question yourself. If you challenge him he will deny everything and lead you to believe you’re over reacting. He can get stroppy or totally ignore you as a means to punish you for even thinking that way.

Imagine a praying mantis. These creatures are the masters of deception. They mimic their surroundings and camouflage themselves so they blend in to their surroundings. They are patient, they wait, and they measure up their target and once caught there is little or no escape once in their clutches. It takes a lot to break free and it normally results in the loss of a limb.

There is nearly always a loss involved in being Mr. Sociopath narcissist the love rat who will drain you out of house and home or leave you penniless or worst still, both. The day you stop serving a purpose is the day he will casually walk away as if you never existed. He has probably already found his next victim or is on the lookout for a new one so do not expect anything from this cold heart because he is getting on with his life and is not thinking about you. He thinks only for himself and who the next target will be. He will occupy his mind with grand visions for his future often involving someone else’s money. He will cut you off with no contact and leave you feeling total despair and this is a very painful transition for any one on the receiving end of such a cold mind. You will question yourself over and over again or text him frantically in a vain bid to grab his attention but it seldom works nor does it relieve you of your anger and pain. His silence continues because you have served your purpose and whilst he doesn’t want to be exposed he rarely cares what the consequences are if any.

A large proportion of sociopath’s narcissists are charming but not all of them and it depends on your circumstances because he can and will adapt to the best method to lure you in. In most circumstances this will be to charm the socks off you but he is also likely to use the “pity” or “sympathy” card. The sympathy card is a good tool for him especially if you’re of a personality that cares for others suffering or you yourself have suffered. He may feed you his intense stories of deep depression and poverty or how hard life has treated him. He will put his friends and family down to you whilst portraying you as the beast to them whenever your back is turned. If he has to put on an act to lure others into believing he’s the perfect gentleman then naturally he will portray himself as the man of dreams come true. The perfect partner. He will make you believe you’re the only person in the world that he needs and you are likely to hear the words “trust me” as regular as he brings the topic of money up which is regular albeit at times more subtle than others. Not only will he bring the money matter up in conversation but he will then twist it and inform you that you brought it up first and how obsessed you are with money as soon as you question him or his motives. Lies and manipulation come into force and he will convince you you’re the problem and not him.

The trust of the innocent is the liar’s most useful tool.

These men are mainly opportunists and they have the ability to find out your strengths, weaknesses and use them to gain control or against you at any time. Whilst you’re still getting to know him he has already evaluated you and sized you up. He knows what he wants and he will do anything to get it even have sex with you. Sex for him is not an act of love or emotions, it’s merely a physical event.
He has no mercy for the bereaved, vulnerable, disabled, abuse victims, lonely or depressed and he certainly won’t have any sympathy for you either. You to him are prey. You serve a means to his ends and that’s all. Your weakness is his power. You are part of the game and that’s all he sees you as. He doesn’t care what you look like or how old you are as long as you have what he wants. It’s all he cares about. There is no in between with this cunning predator. The more he sees your insecurities, lack of confidence in self appearance or vulnerabilities all the better for him. If you’re a strong woman he will wear you down slowly but surely until you give in to his every whim if only for the peace.

This is no ordinary man. He has no emotions and he has no emotional attachments to you or those around him. He is incapable of love and devotion because he doesn’t think the same as most rational human beings and the only thing he cares about is himself and winning the game. They do not feel the same emotional sensation you and I feel and you only serve to cause yourself more mental exhaustion if you think you can change him. He won’t change and it doesn’t matter how much you keep giving, he still won’t change. You may find it hard to believe that such men exist but they do. This man feels he has a right to what isn’t his and he does not care if he leaves you penniless, suicidal or in a serious predicament. He will brush it off as not being his problem and continue as if he has done nothing wrong.

He believes he is the center of the universe. The love rat sociopath narcissist will see something he wants in you. Money and a lifestyle are the usual wants that he cannot achieve by himself. Mr. Sociopath will have a history of thinking big but never actually achieving anything. He will have an excuse for his lack of financial security and lack of having anything material other than what he has taken from others.
One thing you will find with Mr. Sociopath is his constant ability to blame everyone else for his problems. His problems nearly always involve financial problems and his credit will be bad with banks, debt collectors and general bills remain unpaid. He will blame his family for his problems and his friends for not supporting him. He will blame his ex-girlfriend and even go so far as telling any woman he meets that his ex-girlfriend took all his money and left him in debt when in fact she ended up with no money because he dwindled it away, manipulated with lies, stole it or forced it out of her. One thing you will soon come to learn is that “nothing is ever his fault”. If he comes on to other women, it’s not his fault, if he has an argument with anyone, it’s not his fault, if he has no money it’s not his fault, it’s always someone else’s fault and he is the victim. This man rarely contributes to life and lives off other people.

Their family tire of Mr. Sociopath because he never takes responsibility for his actions. They get fed up because he doesn’t settle down and they have often suffered at his hands which he will convince you is not his fault. He may well tell you he was abused as a child and whether he was or not is no excuse for his behavior. He will use anything and everything to turn everything around on you or someone else but never himself.

He will be happy to spend your money at every given opportunity and he rarely contributes to anything because he doesn’t think beyond his own needs.

The cold hearted manipulator will weave his web of deception and lies and you will find with each day you will face some sort of dilemma be it emotional, financial or other. Mr. Sociopath will lead you to believe the problem is you, always you and he is merely an innocent bystander, the victim. He will drive you to the point you feel you have gone completely insane as you question his relentless onslaught of lies that are believable. When he doesn’t convince himself his lies are the truth and how you’re the big bad wolf for daring to address the topic, he will, drive you to distraction as you search for answers in your own mind. By that stage of the relationship you won’t know what to believe anymore and you just give in for the sake of a peaceful life. You often find yourself continuously worn down like a slowly decaying stone each time you search for the answers. He has an answer for everything with story upon story told as if he’s reading it from a well-rehearsed play.

Mr. Sociopath narcissists have a negative attitude to almost everything. They find negativity in everything they or you do. They are self destructive and feel underachieving. they complain and whine about life’s problems but do little to resolve it. They sulk and often give you the silent treatment to almost any situation they see fit.

Mr. Sociopath is secretive and will hold back on many things that most genuine men won’t hold back

“Hun, why are you keeping your Facebook secret from me?” you ask him not once but several times which is greeted with silence.
He replies after being pushed for a response “I do not have to share everything with you so what’s the problem and why are you spying on me?” He gets paranoid.
You then discover he has not one, not even two but three, four or even five other Facebook accounts.

Do you ever feel alone whilst you’re sat there with him? Do you ever feel that no matter what happens in your life be it good or bad, he has little interest in anything you achieve?
Have you ever returned home with great news and he walks off and you may as well speak to the brick wall because he isn’t listening. Your excitement fast turns into a low feeling of worthlessness.

An abuser who uses gaslighting techniques on his victims is dangerous and not something any partner should ignore.

Does he ever ignore you and give the silent treatment on a regular basis?

He does this because he doesn’t want you to achieve because he needs to feel superior and he doesn’t want to lose that control. You do not matter, not to him. You will question yourself and he will portray you as the lunatic to those around him and you. His art of manipulation is believed by all those around him. He is seen as the victim and you are the crazy fool who won’t let go.
Mr. Sociopath will expect you to praise, love, give, give some more whilst he slowly drains the life out of your world. You end up exhausted mentally from the continuous onslaught of his behavior.
Do not underestimate the dangers involved or the impact it’s going to have on your life.

There are some things in life you can’t change and for your own sanity and wellbeing you need to walk away. You are worth more and there is a lot more to life than suffering what you shouldn’t have to suffer.
These men have used violence and if you’re in a violent relationship you need to seek help as soon as possible. Do not suffer in silence.

Part 2 – How to survive and move on with your life – There is life after being with a sociopath narcissist

Author Teresa Cooper - New book coming soon

Video’s for those in relationships with a sociopath narcissist

Silent abuse

Narcissist. Is he or isn’t he?

 

Gaslighting - abuse

 

 

Comments

  • On 2nd Jan 2014 at 06:11 PM relationship said...

    thansk you for this article

  • On 20th Jan 2014 at 09:32 AM Material art said...

    thansk you for this article too.

  • On 30th Mar 2014 at 09:53 PM emily zoe said...

    Thank you so much for this article. I bet most of us may do not realize that we ever become the victim. Suddenly found this post give me better understanding. Keep sharing!

  • On 25th Jul 2014 at 02:23 AM CARING FOR YOUR LOVED ONE IN YOUR ISLAND HOME said...

    Wow! The writer sure sounds like she has been through the whole used and abused trauma. What an eye-opener! This may be totally the opposite, but here’s to caring about someone you love- if you don’t mind. Be it your parents or your loved one.

  • On 29th Oct 2014 at 01:51 PM joyce said...

    This is my story exactly. 28 years of this and I finally was so broken, physically I’ll and mentally tired I had to leave…I couldn’t care for myself and he refused to help. I was no longer of use to him. All those years I was used to raise the children, work, pay bills (he did contribute) but while I was managing money and making sure the children had their needs met, he was worrying about getting his toys, things and nothing else.  So when I had to stop working he didn’t want me anymore. I left. Can accept all of that. Yes he did lots of psych damage. Cheating etc. But what I don’t understand is why he continues to emotionally abuse with his smear campaign, me and my son. He was done with me he said..so why does the abuse continue?

  • On 18th Nov 2014 at 08:51 PM Lori Hedrington said...

    Awesome article.  Been down this road and its never easy.  Gave me a better understanding.

  • On 4th Dec 2014 at 08:27 PM Lea said...

    I never even heard or knew the word sociopath untill about 2 mo ago when my world came crubling down. I’m still struggling with it. I’m 45 years old and I never in a million years thought I’d go through something like this. Horrible just horrible. The worst 2 years of my life.
    I’ve read many blogs and this was the best one yet. Immediate tears, right on point.

    Thank you so very much.

  • On 17th Jan 2015 at 04:58 PM torturado said...

    Everything in this article is so true but equally describes word for word the female sociopath that recently wreaked havoc with my life (and bank account). Be just as wary of the female sociopath.

  • On 21st Jan 2015 at 09:10 PM KE said...

    I was married to a female version for almost 21yrs but stayed silent to my friends and family. Uncovered so much that I had no idea about, it was the worst realisation of my life. 2 kids who have been subtly alienated from me while she makes a new life with her new knight in shining armour, all I did was find her out and told her enough was enough. I came away completely drained, emotionally, mentally and phycoglogically…she even feined cancer as part of her childish games. The stress and worry over that alone was unbearable. The outfall was I going into a nosedive, not functioning and hitting a mid life crisis. I found out after speaking to her first husband she did the same to him…although her rape and physical abuse by him was a complete fragment of her imagination. No remorse, not conscience and her social media account (attention seeking) looks like a ‘princess story’..I considered doing the worst act on myself (suicide) but knew my life was worth more and I can rise above it and not look back at her actions (which she never admitted by the way). I thought I was intelligent. ..These people are a threat to mankind. My advice to them….make it on your own if you’re so special and important, my advice to others, don’t ignore the red flags and run for your life. Most toxic person to have entered my life…never trust them..on anything at all…best wishes to one and all.

  • On 31st Jan 2015 at 08:32 PM K said...

    I’d never heard of the word sociopath before a few weeks ago.
    He lied about everything and used third parties to back them up. He orchestrated my demise, told me we were to get married, have a baby - all seemed perfect - yet there was a growing darkness. I started to suffer anxiety, doubts, insecurity - he talked me into giving up my job and moving in with him. Of course turns out the house fell through last minute - and when I approached him about my struggle to pay the rent. He pretended to put money in my account, then left in the middle of the night whilst I was sleeping.

    I never heard from him again. On investigation the lies started to surface, the emotional damage has been immense. I don’t feel like I can trust my judgement ever again, he looked me right in the eye and lied time after time. All the while maliciously planning his exit, not caring what happened to me.

    I’m slowly re-building my life, my family and friends have been amazing and the love I have received makes me feel very humble and privileged. I am determined to remain open and loving, I have done nothing wrong and refuse to sink into darkness.

    I feel very sad for him, he’ll never be able to feel the joy that love brings. I wish all of you reading this a peaceful and happy resolution. The strongest metal is forged in fire.

    Thank you for an wonderful article and the opportunity for people to speak out and find reasons and meaning.

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