Trust. Survivors of abuse and trusting those around us
I have been put in a situation where someone feels that standing by someone I do not see eye to eye with afterwhat I percieve to be being messedaround, the never never process, next week, next week situation which many survivors are going to be familiar with because thats what we go through after we have been abused in care and often face that when adults trying to deal with it but to put the person who has messed the survivor around as more of a priority than exposing very serious child abuse when they have all the facts sat in front of them is a very disturbing situation indeed.
Lets look at it this way
Would you trust someone if they constantly told you they would do something and didn’t back it up? Would you trust someone if they constantly told you next week and it didn’t happen? Would you trust someone if they told you you would be sent an email and that email didn’t come until over two months later? Would you trust someone if you were told for example a time line and that it wasn’t kept too? Would you trust them when they get all that information from you and don’t do what they say they are doing? or I will ring you and that call doesn’t come, not once but many times and leaves you sat there stressing out because it’s just another let down. One more let down to add to all those let downs like when you were abused and you were faced with that same crap when you tell someone about it and what do they do? Nothing but tell you maybe tomorrow or the day after or even the day after that and before you know it no one wants to know about the fact you were abused.
They feed your insecurities and distrust and then blame you for it if you react or show your not happy with being treated like that.
Of course you wouldn’t trust because it will remind you of all those times and all those people who let you down when abused. It will remind you of how staff or family members put thier own personal opinions as more priority than exposing the abuse you suffered. You wouldn’t trust them because if you complain about it they then use things like, so you don’t trust me, so I’m no good at my job, so now I’m a bad mother or get on with it as I am not helping if you complain about how we treat you. It is then turned around into being your fault and how unreasonable you are or impatient and all because you get fed up with that treatment, open your mouth and stand up for yourself.
What is that all about? Control is what it is and very unhealthy control by those who misuse the control they have for their own agenda. Can we really seperate those sort of people from the very people who hide child abuse?
Can we really seperate those people from the control freaks who prevent child abuse being exposed?
Can we really have any respect for them when they are happy to lead you up the garden path with the never never basis or the constant rigmarol of turmoil they put you in because they simply don’t understand?
Of course we cant trust them and why should we because trust is earnt. It is not handed to someone on a silver platter and if people misuse it then they are no better than those who abuse and that is something they ought to be very ashamed of themselves because they have made it about themselves and not about doing whats right.
Survivors of abuse face this so often it is not only destructive but adds to the pain, the suffering, the misunderstandings of how you feel, the lack of trust because they add to it by proving they can’t be trusted.
I see those people as ones not worth knowing because you know something, you and I are better than they are and may we never treat people witht he same contempt or uncaring attitude.
If you say your going to do something, do it, if you say you care, show it, if your sorry then do something about it and stick to it, if you say you can be trusted then bloody well prove it because taking survivors for granted and misusing their situations, fears or insecurities makes you no better than those who abuse
We are not here just so you can have your glory, we are not here just so you can get a story, we are not here because we are a freak show, we are here pure and simply
BECAUSE WE ARE SURVIVORS OF ABUSE AND WE DESERVE TO BE TREATED LIKE HUMAN BEINGS, WITH RESPECT AND WE DO NOT NEED PITY WHEN WE DO NOT PITY OURSELVES WHICH SETS US ASIDE FROM THE ABUSERS
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On 28th Jul 2008 at 08:32 PM mac said...
Good comment Teresa, This what i have writen about the church and its cover up, They were acting just like our abuses, When some one makes a promise then fails to make it good, They do not help survivors regain trust, They help prolong the misstrust, yours michael web site justice4survivors.org