Questions I am asked by email and my answers. Teresa Cooper
Do you have problems in a relationship?
Yes I do. I haven’t had a relationship for five years now and in a way I am too scared to get into one. I guess I am looking for something I don’t feel exists anymore. It’s probably how I feel about myself. At 41 now all I have been doing is dealing with abuse issues of the past and it doesn’t exactly make me feel attractive. I know we all go through that stage in general. In the past my relationships have been about me working on them and always trying to please or keep things together with little or no support. I always found my partners although long term didn’t make an effort and if they wanted me to change certain things about myself, I did and it didn’t make me happy. I decided to stay single to find myself again and like who I am for me and not change myself into being something I am not to please others. I am not saying no to a relationship as there is someone out there for everyone and who knows what is around the corner.
Do you get depressed as you always laugh and joke?
Yes I get depressed at times, who doesn’t but I wont admit it to myself. Loneliness is a major problem for me as I feel isolated at times and how I feel in general about my past which is always there is turned into a joke because it’s how I deal with it but I also have a very good sense of humour anyway. Trusting people is a huge problem for me but I don’t feel I should put myself upon anyone so I tend to keep it to myself. I talk to my close friends if I need too.
How do you feel about motherhood?
When you haven’t been mothered no text book can teach you about being a mother. You learn from your children because they are the ones who teach you how to be a mum. I am not perfect, I have the odd argument with my sons although rarely my daughter but thats because she is a girl and I am very protective as are my sons of her. I couldn’t even begin to describe how I would feel if I didn’t have my children around. They are all very different from each other but I wouldn’t change a thing about any of my children because to me they are great. I realised that as a mum you have to let them go and you have to let them grow up and be their own person. Being protective I found that hard. I also found it very hard when my children say something in anger which is rare but I take it to heart because I don’t know if it’s normal and often question myself. I tend to ask my friends who haven’t been in care if they experience that and they do. It puts my mind at ease. I have always been close to my children but we have our ups and downs like most people.
How do you cope with the abuse?
If you mean the abuse I suffered as a child? I do struggle with it, who doesn’t but you take one day at a time and I often joke about things especially when I am upset. I then sit and cry alone and hide it from everyone until I am ready to talk about it. I tend to write my feelings out and I keep everything I write although I don’t often put it in the public domain. I worry about being judged so keep it to myself but I am changing that. It doesn’t do any good to keep it all stored up inside but the wierd thing is, because I have to cope I do cope. Anger is probably the strongest emotion that keeps me fighting and there are times I come crashing down but it’s my anger that gets me back up again. I have a good sense of humour and that keeps me strong at the best of times.
Why so many animals?
Animals to me are the ultimate of love, loyalty, friendship, care and they love you back. I am very against anyone who abuses animals and I know people who have been abused are linked to abusing animals and people but if ever I caught someone abusing an animal I would go mad. There is no excuse to abuse an innocent animal, none whatso ever. It’s also fun having so many pets. I think every household should have a pet because they are great for children.
Have you taken legal action against your abusers?
I have tried and failed in the past because the law is a failure in the UK but yes I am looking into it because those involved refuse to acknowledge what happened. This is not about money and if it fails I will take it to the EU courts. Where there’s a will there’s a way. One barrister had his own agenda and after a little research into him I discovered a few things I am not happy about. His agenda was not to give justice, his agenda was to prevent justice. If anyone intends to take legal action make sure you choose your solicitor wisely and that is something I haven’t done too good at in the past. There wasn’t specialists in this field years ago and things have improved since then.
What upsets you the most?
People betraying my trust or “talk is cheap”. There have been people who I find thrive on survivors misery in order to get their name in lights as it were and those people do nothing for you but are more than happy to milk your situation to their advantage and look like they are helping when in fact they are not. Survivors of abuse are very easy to exploit and as soon as you say something they misuse your past against you.
Who do you look up too?
I like Kate Price, Kerry Katona and Jade. They are all very much alike and they battle it out because thats what survivors do even though it can be destructive. They have all survived alot in one way or another and they are strong women and thats what I look up too. When survival instincts kick in it doesn’t have mercy but many survivors are misunderstood. Survivors do tend to fight amongst themselves even if they wont admit to it. It is a common problem between survivors. What makes a difference is to work together but they all three have very good qualities I admire alot and maybe one day their combined efforts will do them all good. I think trust is a huge problem and like them I know what it’s like to worry about who is causing you problems behind the scenes and never knowing who you can trust. If Kate aka Jordon, Kerry and Jade put aside their anger at each other they could make a huge difference not only for themselves but for others too.
What would you like to change about yourself?
My life in general and to help others. Physically, a few things, I like my general personality but I do get frustrated at things I am passionate about and I am also too cautious and react badly when I feelI am being taken for a ride.
How do you feel about what happened at the hospital, are you over it?
No I am not over it although I have learnt to live with it. The loss of a child under any circumstances is hard to forget especially when it is someone elses fault.
More questions and answers to follow soon
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