Forgiveness and Compassion. Human nature
That is something I want to mention here because I am a very forgiving person (I will never forgive any child abusers though) and I hope I am good enough to know when people genuinly make mistakes or are simply bad people. I think alot of people can’t tell the difference for some reason.
If I were to take to heart everything bad a survivor or friend says to me I would be without friends and would not be helpful to survivors of abuse and believe me I get had a go at now and then when people are so stressed they say things they don’t mean. I have said bad things to others that I don’t mean especially if I have become so distressed over something, decide to have a drink and then don’t know what I am saying anyway nor do I care at the time. It is an ugly thing to do but anyone who hasn’t made that same mistake is a liar because we are human. We have all done it and we have all said things we don’t mean and hurt someone in the process.
If like me it happens and I make a mistake I will go out of my way to try and put it right. It is very hard to put things right when faced with someone who is unforgiving and will make you suffer. They ignore you and cut you off like you do not exist. They leave you feeling terrible and no matter how hard you try they show no compassion at all and no sign of forgiveness. They will forget the good side of you and punish you for not being perfect. Naturally they would expect everyone else to forgive them if it were them.
Someone like me will exceed trying to put it right and make matters worst and the uncompassionate person will dig their heels in and ignore because that is how they deal with other peoples mistakes or they simply can’t handle it, see it as agro and forget the good. They simply ignore and pretend you don’t exist. This action is very destructive not only to a person without problems but more so to survivors of abuse. I think with women we can sometimes go too far in trying to say sorry and men often see us as the latest bunny boiler thats stalking them in order to try and get a response. The more you say thats nice the more they think your the latest fruit and nut case. They build up this wrongful and meaningless image of someone who is trying to say sorry and instead of saying “Hey it’s ok, your having a bad day and let me know when you need to talk” or “not a problem, hope you feel better soon and give us a shout when your up to it” they ignore, ignore you more and before you know it your hating yourself and go on self destruct. But lets put this into perspective.
If a person was genuinly a decent person they will understand that not everyone is perfect, not everyone handles a crisis the same way, not everyone is nasty, we have all said things we don’t mean and to ignore someone is probably the worst thing you can do if the person is genuinly sorry. There is a difference between knowing someone is nice and said things they don’t mean and then being a total ass and ignoring them thus making sure they suffer from someone who is genuinly nasty and has done something or said something so bad in vindictiveness that you have to ignore them.
If someone ignores a person who is genuinly a nice person and has had a hard time and may of said things they don’t mean, it takes a better person to forgive and if the person doesn’t forgive then believe me, move on and learn from that. Be wiser on who you choose to trust because not everyone who says they are loyal and a good person is everything they say because if they were they wouldn’t ignore you. They simply wouldn’t feel the need to make you suffer anymore than you already have. If it is just they need time to calm down and you haven’t heard from them they are not what they led you to think they are.
ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS
Do not beat yourself up mentally if someone ignores you and as hard as it is and as much as you have tried to say sorry a million times or written every feeling you have to them don’t waste your time because if they are not going to listen nothing you will do will change that and this is not your flaw but theirs. Do not get angry and try and hit back at them as you don’t need to stoop to that level. Look at yourself and know that if your a good person you are better off without bad people in your life and do you really need someone so weak to ignore you as a friend? No you don’t because friends don’t ignore you especially not when your going through a hard time. Even if they don’t know you well there is no excuse and see it as a learning curve. Could you imagine if you spent alot of time knowing that person and just when you need them the most they ignore you?
They could argue that if you could make that mistake in the first place then you will do it again and the answer is yes it will happen again and will happen to them too because we all say things we don’t mean at some stage and lets hope that those of us who are genuinly good people show those who ignore the compassion they wouldn’t show another when they need it. At least your tried and thats honourable.
Ignorance is not bliss
If you got on well and the person stops ignoring you there is a very good chance you will get back to how it was and have a long lasting friendship. If they stop ignoring you do not make the mistake of dragging up that they ignored you and how bad they are and equally vise versa do not drag up the bad things that were said. Give them a chance and spend your time being friends. Grab a coffee, have a laugh and look at what you have and enjoy your friends. Don’t sit there angry and bitter at mistakes. We all make mistakes and if you have the chance to work them out go for it
It is when people work things out they come back stronger and better than it was the first time around.
We all have our little flaws and no one is perfect. Human nature tests us all and human nature gave us different personalities so we are not all the same and even with our little flaws it doesn’t mean we can’t have good strong friendships. Accept people for who they are and work together and not against each other. Resolve conflict the best you can. Wouldn’t life be so boring if we were all the same