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Silent abuse – The mind game by Teresa Cooper

21st Nov 2013 | in

We have all suffered many forms of abuse but the least talked about is “The mind game” otherwise known as the silent treatment; ie deliberately ignored to cause harm to another persons mental well being, sent to Coventry, deliberate sabotage to a persons life or/and credibility and is one of the most harmful methods of abuse used by abusers who feel that

“If they do not use their hands to physically abuse then it isn’t abuse.”

Wrong

It is abuse to ignore someones needs emotionally and make them feel worthless, depressed and will cause long term damage so much so that in many cases it can lead to the victims physical health being harmed.

To deliberately cause harm to someone by use of the silent treatment, deny a person any emotional care, deny them any praise, starve them of love, affection, compliments, positive feed back, to regularly reject, degrade and deny a person any emotional responsiveness and to ignore a persons needs is mental abuse or also known as psychological abuse. It is repetitive abuse that’s aimed at controlling, diminishing another persons well being in order to hurt, punish, harm or control them.

The silent abuser is able to switch himself off emotionally to the pain and suffering he is causing his victim and will deny he is the problem and he may tell himself or others that he is the victim.

You stop being a victim when you become the abuser

The abuser is capable of closing down all reasonable sense of emotions and turn into a cold heart very fast as he withdraws into his own world without any care for his victims distress . The abuser will behave in society charming, calm, happy, he will be seen by others as a pillar of society, gentle natured, helpful, kind, caring and fool the outside world into thinking he is abused and his partner is the abuser. This is classic of a mental abuser. They will have their partner labelled a mental case whilst he plays the victim and saint and makes her the subject of of every ones rejection by labelling her with an unbalanced mind.

The true victim will be further rejected not only by her abuser but also by his friends, work colleagues, family and others he is likely to meet. The abuser needs to feel in control and he will seek constant approval from those around him and convince them that he’s the true victim. They will offer him advice and he will feed off their pity which will make him feel even more in control as he plays the victim.

The true victims may withdraw from all social activities, work, stop seeing family, they stop being fun, will see everything in a negative light, stop eating which is the start of dangerous health issues, cry alone, send text terror messages as a means to fight back which only gives the abuser more ammunition to abuse her with as he will use that as a further excuse to ignore and make her look bad in front of others. The abuser will happily share the text messages because he wants everyone to see him as the victim. The true victim will stop functioning on all levels as the mind games take over her life. She will find it hard to think of anything else but what is happening to her. The victim will fight with her own mind and struggle to work out if she is being abused or is she truly the problem. The victim may start behaving irrationally from the stress caused by the mental abuse.

Mental abuse is not normally seen by anyone on the outside looking in because they see the abuser as a strong, calm, caring and sincere person and will not be able to see the true character behind the person in front of them that they think they know so well.

Do you really know the person standing next to you?

Out of all the abuse I suffered (I am female), the one part of the abuse I have always struggled with is “being ignored” and made to feel I was in some way, the problem. When I begged for the abuser to stop he didn’t listen and when I sought help, no one listened. The more I was ignored the more it built up an extreme and unlikely intolerance for being “ignored” which has stayed with me as an adult. I left care with that intolerance to the ugly side of human nature that often sees many people misuse the silent treatment to harm others. Some justify this behaviour and kid themselves that it’s in some way an honourable stance to take. Ignoring someone briefly when done to express dissatisfaction is very different to the silent treatment. To ignore someone as a regular means to punish, hurt or upset someone as payback or for whatever reason, is in my opinion and the opinions of experts to be considered, one of the worst forms of mental abuse that exists in human nature. It causes irreparable damage to a person’s mind and will see the victims behaviour change slowly but noticeably when its out of control, especially by others who are close and on the outside looking in. There are times the abuse continues and the victims show now outward signs to those who are close while the mental abuser witnesses the dramatic and extreme behaviour change in a direct response to his/her mental abuse in the “silent treatment”.

The silent treatment is a form of punishment and control and the person using it to harm another, feels a lack of care, responsibility or remorse and can not or will not communicate as she/he watches the victim slowly deteriorate. Someone who was once a lively, happy and fun person to be around turns into a whole new personality and becomes withdrawn, reclusive or maybe verbally aggressive to the abuser in a vain bid to stop the abuse of the mind. The person dishing out the “silent treatment is FULLY aware of the damage they are doing and they are FULLY aware that all they need to do to stop the abuse is to simply talk to the victim. The abuser will not talk to the victim when in control mode and when he does he will constantly lead the victim into a false sense of security at leisure, only to ignore again.  The abuser will provoke any situation with silence which inevitably triggers off the victim who can never work out what has happened to warrant more silent treatment. Each time the victim finds himself/herself fighting desperately with the abuser in a vain bid to stop her/him giving the silent treatment all over again. Its a catch 22 for most when dealing with a narcissistic personality.

The victims behaviour can change so dramatically he/she is hardly recognized as being the same person. Every time the silent treatment begins the victim is pulled further and further down and the abuser sits back and carries on with daily chores, blatantly ignoring the victim whom is obviously so distressed that no normal thinking individual person could or would sit back and watch such a shocking display of suffering. The victim may withdraw completely, stop talking i.e. friends, stop socializing, stop eating, start drinking, stop working, start text terrorism against the abuser as a defence mechanism of protection but it never works, suicidal thoughts, self-harm and that’s just a few of the side effects of a victim suffering from mental abuse.

The “silent treatment” otherwise named as “deliberate intent to ignore” or “ATCH” which means ‘absent to cause harm’ which is where an abuser completely cuts the victim off and the abuser will not budge. They often acknowledge in their own minds that the victim is suffering but do nothing about it, walk away and simply ignore it.

The latter is a very dangerous form of mental abuse.

I have often heard stories of men ignoring their partner, even after causing such distress that she has taken to self-harm or attempts to take her own life. The mental abuse has weakened her once strong mind into a nerve wrecking display of self doubt and depression. The abuser will hear her calls of desperation and he will empty himself of all emotions and walk away. He will show no emotions as she tries to take her own life. He will convince himself that she deserves it for hurting his feelings by trying to fight back.

Its not often friends get to witness the mental abuse of the systematic silent treatment or mind games from a partner because it is silent. In some cases friends will witness erratic behaviour of the victim but cant quite understand what’s going on because the victim will blame everything but her abusive partner. It is rare anyone on the outside of the relationship sees the suffering of the victim as the abuse often like most forms of abuse stays “within the immediate relationship”. The male abusers friends will only see their charming friend who they all love because he will do anything for them but seldom do his friends or family witness what he is doing to his partner. They will only see the abusers partners displays of distress especially when triggered in a public place or social gathering.

The “silent treatment, ignoring or ATCH” abuser is fully aware of their actions and fully aware they are causing a significant amount of harm to the victim in most cases but there are those who do believe they are the victim. The victim may at times have the odd outburst in front of others or in a public place. The abuser will then inform his family of every little thing his victim/partner does as he seeks refuge in their company and portrays himself as the victim in need of support, because he has a totally “maniac” partner whose lost the plot. He is then seen as the wonderful soul who is good enough to tolerate such a manic person in a relationship.

This form of mental abuse is used more often by the man than a woman but men do suffer this same form of abuse and they too remain silent because they do not want to be seen as imasculine. 

Eventually once the victim has been totally broken down by the mental abuser, she will give up fighting back, beg for forgiveness and beg the abusive partner to forgive her. She may well go to the extremes to try and make it up to her man because she has been slowly drawn in and is now under his mind control. The man will continue to use this method of mind control and ignore, use the silent treatment or ATCH tactics until his partner has been totally exhausted, feels totally helpless and it opens her up to being controlled just so he can get what he wants. Sadly this form of abuse has seen the deaths of women who self-harmed or taken their lives when their cries for help are ignored by the abuser. It can be a consequence of the action.

Self-harm - deliberate cutting or mutilation of one’s own body including ripping hair out, stop eating, stop going out, withdraw from society, cut off hair, stay in bed, over eat or attempt suicide.

The reason I am touching on this subject is because I have seen a number of women email me on facebook who are going through this right now with their Turkish partners or they have just left such an abusive relationship and sit in silence blaming themselves. I also want to touch on this subject because I am a survivor of child abuse and I myself have gone through the mental abuse process and contrary to what people believe, it is not easy to leave such a controlling relationship.

Men who have been abused as children physically, sexually or mentally and/or suffered abuse by a parent due to the damaging effects of poverty are well known for using the “silent treatment, ignoring and ATCH” methods to punish and control their partners. These men will convince themselves they are not abusing because they haven’t physically hit the woman and he will convince her he’s very good to her by not saying anything. He will almost always convince himself he’s the victim and show no remorse at all for the suffering he is causing by punishing and controlling someone he claims to love. These men are often found unwilling to contribute to the relationship they are in and show little or no care or respect for their partner . He expects her to hold the entire relationship together all by herself whilst he laps up the comfort of control and does nothing to contribute or support the relationship. He will not show emotions when challenged or he may eventually turn to violence when confronted.

Ignoring a partner may also be a sign of infidelity or a man who is not in control of his own emotions and shuts down. Regardless of the circumstances, mental abuse and the negative power of the “silent treatment, being deliberately ignored or the ATCH” abuse is never the less very damaging for those on the receiving end and needs to be address by either the abuser entering therapy or for the victim to leave the situation.  If the man recognizes he’s an abuser lhe can seek help from a professional help. The victim must seek professional help to get out of such an abusive relationship before she is so worn down it will diminish her life slowly but surely.

When does the silent abuse turn into physical abuse?

UPDATE

This article also relates to men who also suffer this form of abuse by their partners.

Related story

Oh how I tried, Oh how I cried until the day he broke me. Life with a sociopathic love rat

Comments

  • On 19th Dec 2013 at 08:45 PM Jojo said...

    Thank you for this page, I thought it was just me, the crying alone, irrational behaviour, the isolation.

    Mine is a bit unusual as I have been having a very intense long distance text relationship and only met him once. After meeting me it went downhill from there. The first time was abuse through a text which shocked me so much, as it was out of the blue. Things got progressively worse, he would call me names and wouldn’t like me going out with friends. He then cut the texting right down and ignored me for a week,then asked what was the matter with me! He promised to visit me and let me down. His texts became more nasty and I retaliated with what I think is terror texting to fight back. After this I was blocked from his phone and he has cut off all ties, this has been a month now and I miss him although my friends can’t understand why. I know deep down he will never get in touch now and this has hurt me deeply. He told me he loved every day and text’d me all day long, how could he change so quickly? Everyday is getting worse not better and my behaviour and personality are changing with it.

  • On 21st Dec 2013 at 01:54 PM Susie Q said...

    I’m surprised that no one has msde s oomparison between this and “passive aggression”. Aren’t they pretty much the same?

  • On 21st Dec 2013 at 02:55 PM Pamela said...

    @ Jojo its a game! Please do yourself a favor and don’t entertain his foolishness and thank God for the distance in between you two! That’s a blessing!

  • On 29th Dec 2013 at 12:13 AM anna said...

    I have been told that i am mentally unstable i have bi polar disorder. I am a rotten mother and I am called names told that I am fat I am ugly.Nobody likes me as a person,if i go out on my own i’m sleeping with all the men in the pub.I’ve had this crap for 3yrs. It says it wants rid of me but wont leave the house. He says i don’t care wot you get up to.Says he doesn’t want to be seen in public with me. He never pays me any compliments doesn’t show me any affection.No sex for 3 years also your old and wrinkly i’m 46 he’s 65 is he insecure because i am younger.He makes me feel worthless.

  • On 30th Dec 2013 at 06:41 PM Sara said...

    Julie - I just read your post.  You are dating a classic narcissist!!  Read anything and everything you can get your hands on (lots of good stuff on line including “The Path Forward” a book you can download and purchase on line and short Sam Vaknin video’s on narcissism on YouTube)with regards to narcissim. You have done nothing wrong - REPEAT - you’ve done nothing wrong!  You are, in fact, engaged in an abusive relationship with a narcissist and you must cut him off entirely, spare yourself and get out for your own good and sanity. Find a job (anything that will allow you to gain freedom) or move in with a friend or family member till you get back on your feet - and cut this toxic man out of your life. They are all about control and things will not improve.  It is a pattern that will not change because they are incapable of changing.  I will pray for you.  Keep your chin up…you will return to your happy, full functioning self.  I did!  You must fight for it though - you will feel so much better once you free yourself from the narcissist and begin to breath again and return to who you are.  The right man in your life will suppliment the good feels you have about yourelf - not destroy them!

  • On 1st Jan 2014 at 05:29 PM Maureen said...

    Thank you for your article on abuse this is what i have had for 13 years from my sons since there father killed himself . They blame me when he wasnt with me i have told them they are abuser they dont care . And continue to abuse me and women in there life.

  • On 2nd Jan 2014 at 09:21 PM Lu said...

    I have experience of the silent treatment.my other half has ignored my needs for the past 4 years we have been married. Our sex life has.been twice a year if that. He doesn’t want sex and says I am unapproachable. He makes friends with other women and I have found him out. He says it’s because he is lonely. I have told him how I have felt lonely in this marriage but he doesn’t seem to care. He shuts off when I am around tuning into TV and computer. He doesn’t work. I work and pay the bills.. When I go out which is very seldom, I come home to him turning his back on me ,turning his music up loud and ignoring me. If I tell him how I feel he immediately tells me about how he feels. I feel ignored in my role as a wife,no intimacy, no appreciation or respect for the support I give financially. He has alienated my family with his rudeness and if things get heated on occasion I have retaliated and have been verbally assaulted and also hit. I tried to leave but he cries ,begs and threatens suicide. I feel trapped by guilt and responsibility. I feel scared that if I leave not only will I have to live with what he may do but worry that I can I survive alone. My head says I can but then I’m wracked with self doubt! My head is a mess and every day is awful. I feel my life is disappearing before me. I don’t know what to do!

  • On 4th Jan 2014 at 06:50 PM Barbara said...

    My daughter has been giving me the silent treatment for over 4mths now. She stopped talking to me because she left my grandchildren with me one day and called to say she was on her way to pick them up, a journey which should take 30mins! I tried calling and texting her and was worried she had had an accident. 3hrs later her controlling husband appeared to pick them up, because I was angry, he bundled the kids up and I haven’t seen them since. I have tried repeatedly to talk to her by phone, text and meeting her at work, but I am being ignored. I am not sure if it is coming from her or if her husband has told her not to speak to me. This treatment is breaking my heart, I have apologised for anything I have did wrong but I get no response.

  • On 4th Jan 2014 at 11:15 PM eva said...

    My parents practice the silent treatment on me on a regular basis.  This first started about 15 years ago, when I came out of a unhappy, controlling marriage and found myself.  It`s strange they were my best friends when I was weak and down on my luck.  Now that I very happily married to a lovely man with two children they don`t want to know.  The problem starts when I confront them with their bad behaviour, and believe me there`s plenty of that. As soon as I speak up and say “no don`t do that to me” then bang no phone calls, no nothing until I go grovelling back and agree with their bad treatment of me.  I have spent years being told that I am evil, a vile bitch, thick as shit, stupid, you don`t know, anything by my father.  My mother just sais “shame on you” and we “don`t wash our diry laundry in public”.  They deny everything bad they do and lie constantly to cover their tracks.  My brother is the golden child because he agreees with them and I`m the scapegoat because I say “no”.  I console myself with the fact that I`ve found out recently that other members have been subjected to years of silence treatment by them, so it`s not just me.  I have come out the other side a stronger, better, so much happier person and they have lost the one good thing in their life, me and my children.  I will never go there again until I get some kind of explanation for the years of silent abuse…....no-one should ever let anyone treat them this way.  For the record it`s called Narcissistic Personality Disorder and the research on this subject probably saved my life.

  • On 5th Jan 2014 at 10:53 PM Tom said...

    I am a husband who has been married for 20 years.  I deeply love my wife and love being a family man.

    The silent treatment is one of a number of techniques my wife practices on me.

    First some background.

    About a decade ago after our 4th and final child was born, my wife decided that there was no future in our marriage.  Whilst being devastated, I acknowledged that cracks had been growing in our relationship for quite some time.  These included the following:
      * me being blamed for things that couldn’t be pinpointed, e.g. ‘resentfulness’. When I asked how I was being resentful the response was ‘You wouldn’t understand.  There’s no point talking about it’.
      * my wife feeling victimized at the smallest things, beyond reasoning/rationality
      * my wife not apologizing ever for any mistakes she had made
      * my wife continually making me feel like I had done something wrong.  Sometimes I would be blamed for stuff I categorically know I didn’t do.
      * my wife withdrawing love, compassion, warmth and intimacy (there’s been no intimacy for last 10 years)

    For the last approx 5 years I raised the children like a single dad whilst my wife unswervingly pursued her career (whilst holding down a full time job of my own).  Whenever my wife was home she’d be glued to her mobile handset while mainly ignoring the rest of us.  She’d be gushing to friends and colleagues while being cold hearted to me.

    When we went for marriage counseling my wife wouldn’t fully open up to the counselor but hoodwinked her into thinking I was to blame for our problems.  The counselor concluded there was no future in our relationship.

    Cut to present day:

    My wife launched divorce proceedings 8 months ago, announcing that she’s not the marrying type (after 20 years of marriage and 4 children).

    Unfortunately we now have a lot of sorting out to do over children and assets.  Since I have not agreed to go along with everything her way she instigated the silent treatment 8 months ago and convinced our eldest child to participate in this emotionally battering activity.

    It’s put me through a range of feelings similar to what’s written in this article.  I am excluded from family mealtimes.  I am excluded from our double bedroom.  While I was out one day my wife disposed of our double bed and put a single bed for herself in it.  She locks our bedroom up so I have no alternative but to sleep in lounge.  She’s trying to make me feel degraded and unworthy of respect.  i.e. to make life so intolerable in the family home that I’ll be glad to leave.

    The ongoing lack of respect and hatred towards me led to my oldest son physically assaulting me at home.  When I knocked on his bedroom door he burst out and gave me a black eye telling me to “just get out of Mum’s house”.

    The police took the physical assault very seriously.  My son could now end up with a criminal record.  I wish I could discuss the consequences with him but he refuses to communicate (at least at time of writing - I really hope that will change soon!)

    For me the physical abuse is nothing compared to the emotional torture.  The police are not interested in the emotional stuff because there’s no physical evidence.  Similarly family law does not cater for it.  Family law basically protects mothers and casts out fathers.  I know it’s a generalization but it feels that way in my case.

    I am concerned that if/when my wife gets custody of the children, they will be passively taught emotional abuse.  Even worse they might suffer cruelly in it.

    I sincerely believe that it would be in the children’s best interests to live primarily with a father who will teach them healthy values about inclusion, communication, dignity and respect.  My children are so mixed up in the home situation that they can’t clearly see what’s going on.  They can’t be blamed for that.  Can I blame my oldest child for behaving like he did towards me?  Is he not a victim of his Mum’s manipulation?

    Of course this post is one sided on my part.  I wish my wife could put her side too - sticking to the facts of course.  Trouble is I don’t think she would stick to the facts.  She’s very intelligent and given half the chance she’d convince you that I’m a deluded psychopath.

    Thanks for your time anyway for reading all this!

  • On 8th Jan 2014 at 05:38 AM Marie said...

    I was married 18 years to a man who treated me this way.  The last 5 years of our marriage I had to medically care for him due to the results of the first of many falls & then his developing Myasthenia Gravis.  I didn’t think his abuse could get any worse, but those last 5 years became torture.  With two children, 8 & 2, my world evolved around him to the point that I do not even remember my children existing during those years.  He was frequently inappropriate & mentally abusive to my daughter(our eldest child), and when he turned on our son too, I knew something had to change.  We did split up, and things did get even worse.  I thought my life was bad before, but it did become a living nightmare. The legal system made a mockery of things & granted a divorce in 3 months, he died 1 month later.  Thanks to adult stepchildren, (& the courts) our children & I lost our home, our business (my job there as well),and most of our belongings.  It has been 1 1/2 years since he died, and we still struggle to overcome the depression & our emotional scars.  We have all been to counselors, but our past is not addressed by them & we are told to move on, start over, be happy.  I am desperately looking for a way to work through some of this stuff on my own since I am not receiving the help I need.  I have been trying to develop friendships, but 2 close ones last year turned on me & my trust & faith in people is even lower.  Please, if there is anyone out there that has suggestions for me, contact me!  I do want to live again.  Free of the mental chains that surround me.  Thank you for taking the time to hear me.

  • On 10th Jan 2014 at 12:02 AM Jojo said...

    To Pamela

    Thank you it has been a few weeks now and I can not believe the change in me. I am writing this to encourage everyone else on this page. I now realise what this man was he was a control freak, a nasty piece of work who never loved me and I do believe he does this on a regular basis. My friends knew he was bad but I would not listen. At the time I thought it was fate and it was but the wrong kind. He got me when I was at my most vunerable (lucky him!)I have got over ‘him’as the person I thought I loved but I still struggle to get over how I was so easily taken in and how much power he had over me. The fact he was a predator and so cruel and manipulative makes my blood run cold but I know I am a good person and deserve better. Please get shut of these men and women its hard but you can do it. You will plunge to the lowest depths at first not functioning properly and may go a little bit mad but honestly it does get easier. You will never forget what they did but you can live without them, you all deserve to be happy and I hope you stay strong xx

  • On 17th Jan 2014 at 07:45 PM SG said...

    I am going through the same, have become mentally exhausted, the more he ignores the more I cry. The more I try the more is the blame. I ask for help I am pathetic.he tells—It’s always my fault. I fabricate stories, nobody believes me, I have issues and he is the good one. I have had suicidal thoughts, want to hide where nobody finds me, that’s how miserable he has made me. Not only physically but mentally this relationship has made me a unhappy person who is always thinking and has forgotten how to laugh.

  • On 19th Jan 2014 at 05:15 AM Peter said...

    Actually the least talked of form of abuse, may actually be the withholding of sex from a partner as a form of punishment or reward system of compliance. 

    As a child that suffered both emotional and physical abuse along with what I term psychological kungfu from a father that had been a police officer, then a school teacher and finally a psychologist I can tell you that the only safe place was in silence.

    I’m not abusive by being silent I’m protecting myself from psychological bullying on a level that is almost pure survival, because in the past saying the wrong thing resulted in extreme physical violence from my father whom is a respected psychologist. 


    When you write you consistently use the terminology of (he) for the abuser and (she) for the abused without any regard for the FACT that many men suffer from all manner of forms of abuse from early childhood including the silent treatment from women whom as I recall as a teenager used this form of abuse on a regular basis to demonstrate their position in the social ranks.

    In conclusion I’m not saying that silent treatment can’t be an abusive process, however your claim that it is always abusive is simplistic at best and deluded at the other end of the scale.

    Just remember you can’t trust roughly 60% of the population because they will kill you because someone wearing a white coat tells them they are participating in an important scientific experiment and they must continue and that is a fact you can not deny unless you replicate those experiments and have a different outcome.
    (PS. those study’s were done in the 50’s and from what I can tell the numbers may even be higher today)

    Good luck with attempting to improve humanity when deep down you should know we the collective of humanity are the greatest disaster to hit this earth.

  • On 19th Jan 2014 at 07:02 PM Adri said...

    Hello, after 2 yrs the man I loved gave me the silent treatment before pulling the dissappearing act act and cutting me completely from his life. It’s been one month and I am heartbroken. I lived with him for 1 year and after I bought my home he had agreed to move with me. As time passed he talked about wanting to make changes and be a better person. However, he started to show more interest in his friends. It was like he had forgotten everything we shared and that we lived togerher? I didn’t understand why he would hurt me by leaving me in such a cold manner. I gave him some space after 2 weeks I asked him why he left without notice. He stood silent and never responded. After 1 week he decided to respond and stated that the situation is painful for him too and said he loved me but he was not able to give me what I want. He said that now it’s just a matter of waiting for God to give us another person and wished that all my dreams come true. I can’t help feel so played and rejected. He said that I was the only one he ever loved and that I was the one. It pains me to know how someone I cared and poured my heart to would play with my emotions and not show any remorse and or regret. He made me believe we had something little did I know he was planning after 2 years to pull the vanishing act on me and tell me the joke is on me. I have maintained 0 contact with him and never once looked for him. In all honesty all I care to do is dissappear myself. I try so hard to hide away because I don’t want to see his face. I just want this nightmare I am living to be over. I want to forget him and all the moments I thought meant something, all the time spent living together, and everything I endured. I find the strength every day to get up and dust my wounded body from the ground, but there are moments like this where the wound still festers. I try not to feel like such a victim by thinking negative thoughts or thinking that how he played me or how he must be portraying me with his friends and family or even how he must be having the time of his life with his new person doing everything that he did with me to her. I just ask God to help me get through this terrible time and to help me forget someone who turned out to be a cruel individual. Perhaps times will heal my wound.

  • On 19th Jan 2014 at 10:45 PM Carolynn said...

    Not only did my husband use silent treatment as one of his many narcissistic weapons in our marriage- when the marriage did end (not surprisingly)- he is using silent treatment against me- and EVEN WORSE- he has used it against my 19 yr old daughter who he adopted.  We were married for 10 yrs, so she was really little when he came into her life.  AND her biological father died when she was in 6th grade and we found out that her bio-dad had sexually abused her.  THUS- this silent treatment post-divorce- is bad enough inflicted on me- but TRIPLE ABUSE when inflicted on a child, now young adult.  I am praying it has no detrimental effects in her future relationships.  Now his daughter (who I also adopted) is getting married and we have to navigate all that with the captain of silent abuse!

  • On 20th Jan 2014 at 01:50 PM Katie said...

    Thank you for the opportunity to read such interesting information. It has helped me move on with my life and learn what exactly he has been doing to me. I gained strength from all I read and I hope it will help many others move on

  • On 22nd Jan 2014 at 11:31 AM Jeffery Potter said...

    Its a long post but very much informative for
    The mind game, I like your post. Thanks

  • On 22nd Jan 2014 at 11:03 PM BC said...

    Not Funny that your article is slanted to male abusers. I’m a male and my wife is us ring this on me I’m trying to figure out how to fight it. But feel quite awkward reading this due to you male abusive slant.

  • On 25th Jan 2014 at 01:35 PM Daisy said...

    Reading that article just made me cry…  I feel as though it was written for me :(

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