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Silent abuse – The mind game by Teresa Cooper

21st Nov 2013 | in

We have all suffered many forms of abuse but the least talked about is “The mind game” otherwise known as the silent treatment; ie deliberately ignored to cause harm to another persons mental well being, sent to Coventry, deliberate sabotage to a persons life or/and credibility and is one of the most harmful methods of abuse used by abusers who feel that

“If they do not use their hands to physically abuse then it isn’t abuse.”

Wrong

It is abuse to ignore someones needs emotionally and make them feel worthless, depressed and will cause long term damage so much so that in many cases it can lead to the victims physical health being harmed.

To deliberately cause harm to someone by use of the silent treatment, deny a person any emotional care, deny them any praise, starve them of love, affection, compliments, positive feed back, to regularly reject, degrade and deny a person any emotional responsiveness and to ignore a persons needs is mental abuse or also known as psychological abuse. It is repetitive abuse that’s aimed at controlling, diminishing another persons well being in order to hurt, punish, harm or control them.

The silent abuser is able to switch himself off emotionally to the pain and suffering he is causing his victim and will deny he is the problem and he may tell himself or others that he is the victim.

You stop being a victim when you become the abuser

The abuser is capable of closing down all reasonable sense of emotions and turn into a cold heart very fast as he withdraws into his own world without any care for his victims distress . The abuser will behave in society charming, calm, happy, he will be seen by others as a pillar of society, gentle natured, helpful, kind, caring and fool the outside world into thinking he is abused and his partner is the abuser. This is classic of a mental abuser. They will have their partner labelled a mental case whilst he plays the victim and saint and makes her the subject of of every ones rejection by labelling her with an unbalanced mind.

The true victim will be further rejected not only by her abuser but also by his friends, work colleagues, family and others he is likely to meet. The abuser needs to feel in control and he will seek constant approval from those around him and convince them that he’s the true victim. They will offer him advice and he will feed off their pity which will make him feel even more in control as he plays the victim.

The true victims may withdraw from all social activities, work, stop seeing family, they stop being fun, will see everything in a negative light, stop eating which is the start of dangerous health issues, cry alone, send text terror messages as a means to fight back which only gives the abuser more ammunition to abuse her with as he will use that as a further excuse to ignore and make her look bad in front of others. The abuser will happily share the text messages because he wants everyone to see him as the victim. The true victim will stop functioning on all levels as the mind games take over her life. She will find it hard to think of anything else but what is happening to her. The victim will fight with her own mind and struggle to work out if she is being abused or is she truly the problem. The victim may start behaving irrationally from the stress caused by the mental abuse.

Mental abuse is not normally seen by anyone on the outside looking in because they see the abuser as a strong, calm, caring and sincere person and will not be able to see the true character behind the person in front of them that they think they know so well.

Do you really know the person standing next to you?

Out of all the abuse I suffered (I am female), the one part of the abuse I have always struggled with is “being ignored” and made to feel I was in some way, the problem. When I begged for the abuser to stop he didn’t listen and when I sought help, no one listened. The more I was ignored the more it built up an extreme and unlikely intolerance for being “ignored” which has stayed with me as an adult. I left care with that intolerance to the ugly side of human nature that often sees many people misuse the silent treatment to harm others. Some justify this behaviour and kid themselves that it’s in some way an honourable stance to take. Ignoring someone briefly when done to express dissatisfaction is very different to the silent treatment. To ignore someone as a regular means to punish, hurt or upset someone as payback or for whatever reason, is in my opinion and the opinions of experts to be considered, one of the worst forms of mental abuse that exists in human nature. It causes irreparable damage to a person’s mind and will see the victims behaviour change slowly but noticeably when its out of control, especially by others who are close and on the outside looking in. There are times the abuse continues and the victims show now outward signs to those who are close while the mental abuser witnesses the dramatic and extreme behaviour change in a direct response to his/her mental abuse in the “silent treatment”.

The silent treatment is a form of punishment and control and the person using it to harm another, feels a lack of care, responsibility or remorse and can not or will not communicate as she/he watches the victim slowly deteriorate. Someone who was once a lively, happy and fun person to be around turns into a whole new personality and becomes withdrawn, reclusive or maybe verbally aggressive to the abuser in a vain bid to stop the abuse of the mind. The person dishing out the “silent treatment is FULLY aware of the damage they are doing and they are FULLY aware that all they need to do to stop the abuse is to simply talk to the victim. The abuser will not talk to the victim when in control mode and when he does he will constantly lead the victim into a false sense of security at leisure, only to ignore again.  The abuser will provoke any situation with silence which inevitably triggers off the victim who can never work out what has happened to warrant more silent treatment. Each time the victim finds himself/herself fighting desperately with the abuser in a vain bid to stop her/him giving the silent treatment all over again. Its a catch 22 for most when dealing with a narcissistic personality.

The victims behaviour can change so dramatically he/she is hardly recognized as being the same person. Every time the silent treatment begins the victim is pulled further and further down and the abuser sits back and carries on with daily chores, blatantly ignoring the victim whom is obviously so distressed that no normal thinking individual person could or would sit back and watch such a shocking display of suffering. The victim may withdraw completely, stop talking i.e. friends, stop socializing, stop eating, start drinking, stop working, start text terrorism against the abuser as a defence mechanism of protection but it never works, suicidal thoughts, self-harm and that’s just a few of the side effects of a victim suffering from mental abuse.

The “silent treatment” otherwise named as “deliberate intent to ignore” or “ATCH” which means ‘absent to cause harm’ which is where an abuser completely cuts the victim off and the abuser will not budge. They often acknowledge in their own minds that the victim is suffering but do nothing about it, walk away and simply ignore it.

The latter is a very dangerous form of mental abuse.

I have often heard stories of men ignoring their partner, even after causing such distress that she has taken to self-harm or attempts to take her own life. The mental abuse has weakened her once strong mind into a nerve wrecking display of self doubt and depression. The abuser will hear her calls of desperation and he will empty himself of all emotions and walk away. He will show no emotions as she tries to take her own life. He will convince himself that she deserves it for hurting his feelings by trying to fight back.

Its not often friends get to witness the mental abuse of the systematic silent treatment or mind games from a partner because it is silent. In some cases friends will witness erratic behaviour of the victim but cant quite understand what’s going on because the victim will blame everything but her abusive partner. It is rare anyone on the outside of the relationship sees the suffering of the victim as the abuse often like most forms of abuse stays “within the immediate relationship”. The male abusers friends will only see their charming friend who they all love because he will do anything for them but seldom do his friends or family witness what he is doing to his partner. They will only see the abusers partners displays of distress especially when triggered in a public place or social gathering.

The “silent treatment, ignoring or ATCH” abuser is fully aware of their actions and fully aware they are causing a significant amount of harm to the victim in most cases but there are those who do believe they are the victim. The victim may at times have the odd outburst in front of others or in a public place. The abuser will then inform his family of every little thing his victim/partner does as he seeks refuge in their company and portrays himself as the victim in need of support, because he has a totally “maniac” partner whose lost the plot. He is then seen as the wonderful soul who is good enough to tolerate such a manic person in a relationship.

This form of mental abuse is used more often by the man than a woman but men do suffer this same form of abuse and they too remain silent because they do not want to be seen as imasculine. 

Eventually once the victim has been totally broken down by the mental abuser, she will give up fighting back, beg for forgiveness and beg the abusive partner to forgive her. She may well go to the extremes to try and make it up to her man because she has been slowly drawn in and is now under his mind control. The man will continue to use this method of mind control and ignore, use the silent treatment or ATCH tactics until his partner has been totally exhausted, feels totally helpless and it opens her up to being controlled just so he can get what he wants. Sadly this form of abuse has seen the deaths of women who self-harmed or taken their lives when their cries for help are ignored by the abuser. It can be a consequence of the action.

Self-harm - deliberate cutting or mutilation of one’s own body including ripping hair out, stop eating, stop going out, withdraw from society, cut off hair, stay in bed, over eat or attempt suicide.

The reason I am touching on this subject is because I have seen a number of women email me on facebook who are going through this right now with their Turkish partners or they have just left such an abusive relationship and sit in silence blaming themselves. I also want to touch on this subject because I am a survivor of child abuse and I myself have gone through the mental abuse process and contrary to what people believe, it is not easy to leave such a controlling relationship.

Men who have been abused as children physically, sexually or mentally and/or suffered abuse by a parent due to the damaging effects of poverty are well known for using the “silent treatment, ignoring and ATCH” methods to punish and control their partners. These men will convince themselves they are not abusing because they haven’t physically hit the woman and he will convince her he’s very good to her by not saying anything. He will almost always convince himself he’s the victim and show no remorse at all for the suffering he is causing by punishing and controlling someone he claims to love. These men are often found unwilling to contribute to the relationship they are in and show little or no care or respect for their partner . He expects her to hold the entire relationship together all by herself whilst he laps up the comfort of control and does nothing to contribute or support the relationship. He will not show emotions when challenged or he may eventually turn to violence when confronted.

Ignoring a partner may also be a sign of infidelity or a man who is not in control of his own emotions and shuts down. Regardless of the circumstances, mental abuse and the negative power of the “silent treatment, being deliberately ignored or the ATCH” abuse is never the less very damaging for those on the receiving end and needs to be address by either the abuser entering therapy or for the victim to leave the situation.  If the man recognizes he’s an abuser lhe can seek help from a professional help. The victim must seek professional help to get out of such an abusive relationship before she is so worn down it will diminish her life slowly but surely.

When does the silent abuse turn into physical abuse?

UPDATE

This article also relates to men who also suffer this form of abuse by their partners.

Related story

Oh how I tried, Oh how I cried until the day he broke me. Life with a sociopathic love rat

Comments

  • On 6th Oct 2013 at 03:15 PM Hurt said...

    This sounds like me . Really I never consider his silent treatment as abuse because this just started happening to me. I left 9 days ago . Mostly because of his adult child using us. I thought we could date while at a distance . Well thats not happening .Now I am going nuts because I became the nothing to my Man. Before this I was his everything . Since then he’s ignored me and I am coming unhinged. In 9 days I have eaten very little. I went 4 days without food, ate and am not eating again. Yep I am drinking wine at night. I’ve become reclusive . Go on an endless search to help me understand what went wrong . His excuse is he needs time and does not want to talk . So I’m left dangling with am I in or am I out. It’s either one or the other . All this over his Son moving in with no clear plan, goals, etc. it makes it worse cause he’s the Dad and doesn’t want to acknowledge his their controlling ways. It’s like I have two silent abusers . Emotions run deep with father and Son and I’m the one in the hurt zone.

  • On 10th Oct 2013 at 06:15 PM AJ said...

    I have come to realize that people that play these mind games are very weak-minded and scared deep down.  They hide behind these cruel tactics and behaviors because they don’t have true strength, integrity or honesty to face themselves in the mirror and do the real work.  They want to give the impression of being in control and power yet hide behind fists, hurtful words and silence.  Who is really the stronger one?  Most times, the victim at the beginning, until and unless they allow the madness to continue.  It takes a strong person to try and hang in there, but 9/10 times this is a waste of time.  It takes an even stronger person to walk away.  Don’t let them convince you you’re crazy or weak or _______________!  You deserve better and not this soulless, life-sucking treatment.  Once you are weaker than them, it’s all over!  I had the worst fights with my ex precisely because I knew it was wrong in how he was treating me and it was that standing up for myself and stating truths he didn’t want to hear or couldn’t deal with that would mess him up and come back nastier or shut me down.  Some of them are so used to their protective mechanisms and can’t change.  Mine would try and listen at times and would be better, but he always gravitated back.  I believe deep down they loved/love us, and maybe they loved us for the qualities we have, like a big heart and strength, which ironically those very traits they would break down.  My ex wasn’t that horrible of a person but he had way too many problems deep down that in the end he either felt too helpless to change or God knows what, but I couldn’t allow him to devastate my soul, I felt so stuck because I cared for him a lot and hated myself for continuously get sucked back in when I knew better!  But I was hoping he would change, an underlying reason that ran deep from my childhood, hoping it could be different than the hell I went thru with my dad, yes! We can change those dynamics!  NOT!  And knowing all this, still I was trying!!  Sometimes it’s not good to be too strong, ‘coz you can go on wayyyyyy too long, right?  But no mas!!  I know I deserve better and the loving and caring towards myself just one day at a time will help me weed out the undesirables from the real deal!!  Do not let their sickness contaminate your soul any further!  The longer you stay in that old mindset, the more crippled you will be and Mr./Ms. Right will not be able to recognize you!  Peace…<3

  • On 10th Oct 2013 at 09:10 PM Healed said...

    Great sharing everyone!  The part that is so confusing to me is how inconsistent he was in silencing me out.  It happened when I was off being independent.  The funny part was the last couple months of the dreaded relationship, I would actually feel sick to my stomach if I ended up home later than I had planned.  He never yelled or said “Where were you?”  He would do this subtle silent treatment thing, very hard to detect.  I started to feel very off balance but could not put my finger on it.  We were set to renting a place together, but I thought it was strange that he did NOTHING to help with this process accept talk about the help he had to offer me, very strange behavior.  I confronted him 4 days prior to moving and actually signing the lease together.  I began to share how concerned I was that he wasn’t doing anything and my fear that he was not emotionally invested. He went off his rocker, going on and on, cutting my character to the core and it never did make sense why it went that “Fight” went thatfar. He silenced me for 2 days and when I told him this silent crap needs to stop and reminded him that he has a part in this “fight.” He actually said to me: “if a perpetrator whacks you upside the head with a bat, you beat him to the ground to protect yourself, do you actually think you stand there and apologize to the perpetrator?”  I about went out of my mind listening to this intelligent man sound so stupid. He allowed me to stand there for 1 hour asking in 20 different ways if we are moving forward or not.  He would not say yes nor would he say no.  I raised my voice telling him that no normal relationship has to “beg” her spouse for an answer to this question.  He said “SEE, SEE, thats the crap I won’t put up with.” I said SCREW this and walked out.  While at work he packed up andleft.  No word from him for about 10 days but than I get pic of him holding his new grandchild, no words just a pic.  I will never reduce myself into believing this relationship will go anywhere.  He is actually very sick emotionally from what I can see and this is a train wreck going off the tracks if I have ever seen one a coming.  Looking back on the relationship, I can see where this started.  It started when I started to “trust” what he was saying was true.  I consider myself to be intuiative but was unable to see in between what was really going on, however my gut was telling me this was not right.  If you feel that immediately, start to question something they are saying when they are “wooing” you, get out.  Seriously, when you start to like who you are and are okay with all qualities as well as character defects, you won’t attract crazy.  God Bless all of you.

  • On 11th Oct 2013 at 08:05 AM Rita Payne said...

    At 63, I can relate to all the comments I have read on this site.  I recall parental abuse since age 5 and still experience verbal, mental, emotional and financial abuse from my husband.  I have prayed, asked, requested, discussed, pleaded on my knees, written notes, letters and requested counseling together and absolutely NOTHING works.  I do not even know who I am anymore. Don’t believe in divorce and have experienced the abuse for aprox. 17 years.  I found out he treated his ex-wife the same way for 21 years in 2001.  I just do not know what the answer is.  If I break down and cry, he crosses his arms, stands back and laughs at me because he knows I let him get to me.  Then he says, ” You have to deal with what I dish out.”  ” You cannot afford to live on your own.”  He is correct in the statement.  I can’t afford it. It is overwhelming to put it mildly. I believe there is BPD, power and control issues to start. I have and am still giving all I have the energy to give to the marriage but honestly view it as a loosing situation.  Psychologists, therapists and my current M.D. have expressed fear for my welfare.Do not, however like to view myself as a victim. I was always taught , if there is a problem, solve it. As his wife, I am NOT trained nor in the position to solve such severe problems. I dread getting up every morning knowing 24/7 he will continue to do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING he can do to make the day and my life unbearable. There is NO excuse to be irritated, aggitated, and provoked by him.  Absolutely NONE!!! It’s 24/7/365/for over 17 years. I beg him to please not upset me during the day when I get up. Begging is of NO value either. I beg   him not to make me cry during the day.  Pretty sad when you must unceasingly beg your own husband for some peace and happiness on a daily basis. What a way to start your day. There are many additional problems involved also that I have not mentioned. May God bless everyone, men or women, who fight to survive in this world with persons who have mental, emotional problems, personality disorders, brain malfunctions, etc.

  • On 11th Oct 2013 at 11:15 AM Rose said...

    This is the first time I see a site about the silent treatment way of abuse which I and my son suffer all the time.  It rarely cesaes and only for a few days if lucky a week.  We were together for many years prior to our sons arrival and I had suffered from this abuse prior but always viewed it as my fault, if only I would improve myself he not behave this way.  Our son is six now and he treats our son the same way.  It is unbareable to explain to my little boy for years why daddy behave like this.  I am the victim of ridiculous amounts of emotional, psychological and financial abuse on a catastrophic level.  This has left me suicidal for many years and I am convinced if it were not for my son I would be dead by now.  It is my fear of his father raising my little boy that keeps me from doing it.  He has gone to all my family and made himself a prince, buying them lavish gifts, trips etc and making me look like a piece of shit.  He has gone to my ex-spouse and interviewed him recently to know more of me prior to my marriage to my present spouse.  OMG!!!!  I could go on and on.  The pain is so debilitating.  I feel like a crushed cock roach under his shoe and suffer day in and day out.  He comes to me, my son and mother (my mom of 76yrs lives with us for 11yrs) and tells us to our face he not pay mortgage anymore, will wipe out accounts, not pay sons school tuition etc) packs suitcases in front of us and say to all he not live where he not respected and loved.  OMG!!!!  then he returns like boomerang to inflict more pain.  It’s all tooo much.  Cannot take anymore.  The verbal abuse is on a GRAND scale to my face, in writing and text.  I soooooooo wish to fall asleep and wake up only to be in a better place.  But, my boy needs me so.  I have served him divorce papers a month ago only to have him constantly bombarding me with claims of intense love for me and his son, how sorry, he treat us nice forever more.  Part of me wants to believe just so I not struggle anymore and face so many unknowns.  But, the rational side of me say he not capable of such change otherwise it happen before I serve him papers.  So many horrible abuses over years I cannot list.  My self esteem is tanked.

  • On 21st Oct 2013 at 10:22 PM David said...

    I found it odd that you have made the abuser’s gender male in your article. It is nonetheless relevant and informative. Having come to terms after many years of this treatment I reconciled the behaviour as a woman’s relative inability to be physically abusive?

  • On 24th Oct 2013 at 02:06 AM emmi said...

    thank you so much for this article. i’m only 17 years old but i’ve been grappling with the idea of my dear (now) ex-boyfriend being abusive and every time i blamed myself because i was convinced that it was okay for him to do these things since he told me he never owed me his time or presence. i self harmed, attempted suicide three times, and became anxious and depressed because of the abuse and ignoring, and he continued to do these things even when my life was in danger. i desperately hope some day he’ll realize what he did and apologize so i can forgive him. he was such an important and wonderful part of my life and the fact that he did this breaks my heart.

  • On 24th Oct 2013 at 01:33 PM Pamela said...

    Woman or Man!!! Abuse on any level should never be tolerated.The first sign of abuse should be the last period.Never again will I ignore the RED FLAGS!!!!! I will never sacrifice my mind for No One!!!!! I had casual sex….one time! We were nothing.Its beyond me why he would waste his time attempting to use his abusive antics on me? #condused but never again will I entertain such drama again!!!

  • On 25th Oct 2013 at 02:16 AM G said...

    This is a description on me and my husband. I mean exactly. I feel like I could crack and I also feel as emotionally weak.  The weakest I have ever felt in my life.  So I know I have to stop him from doing this to me before I do become a statistic.  I won’t allow him to do that to me…to kill my spirit where I don’t want to live.  But I can see how women get to that state, because the abuse is so relentless and deliberate.  But will tell people they are trying to keep the family together, when they literally ignore you while you talk, laugh and engage in their routine like you are invisible and the lowest of the lowest.  My husband calls my mother to ask her to calm me down, because I do have the violent outburst.  I am asking God to take that from my heart and spirit.  Because, I also think they find joy in your kids viewing you as a monster, while they are calm and collective.  I think this type if person is the absolute most dangerous kin d if person.  They systematically attempt to attack your mind, spirit & soul.  I feel like a different person. There is no joy in life, but the kids, because I’m thankful they are healthy and happy.  & they don’t understand why I feel this way every single day.  I just can’t do this and function even halfway anymore.  I just don’t understand. I won’t ever.

  • On 25th Oct 2013 at 08:41 PM Liz said...

    This artical is exactly and to the point of what I am living…but my abuser is not a man… it is my 33/yr old “Daughter”.  I am 54/yrs old and have been told I look like I am in my 40’s. Have always taken care of myself, my appearance and work out.  My daughter left a very abusive relationship and has been living with me for over a year.  I have gone through so much and have told her, no one in my entire life has hurt me or crushed my spirit, my heart and caused me so much tears as she has.  All she does is stand there and stare at me as if it does not faze her in the slightest.  I have never thought of this as emotional abuse until today after reading this.  I was shocked and saw it was discribing our mother/daughter relationship.  I am a giving person, helping abusive/homelesss women.  I have a deep heart for women because of all we go through.  So of course for my daughter, I gave till there is nothing left to give.  I have tried supporting her through all she is going through and never realizing she was abusing me emotinally.  I have printed this out and will go home and read this to her.  I am going to tell her either she stops or she will have to leave.  I have told her time and time again, I am not the same person I was before since all her life changed going on 3/yrs ago.  Thank you for this article.  It has opened my eyes.  God Bless everyone who is going through this.  Only through prayer and faith, if they don’t want to go to counseling, can this spirit be broken.

  • On 29th Oct 2013 at 01:50 AM Munira Kuru said...

    I am one of the victim my history look the same with article poste I am so interested to read it I felt like it was abot the me

  • On 29th Oct 2013 at 08:57 AM katie said...

    OMG ...this is my life for the past two years i feel like ive lost myself long ago just trying to tell him how hurt i poor my heart out and he looks right through me… and because of it i want to just walk away and forget him.I live with him spend 80% of my time in my room . i have nowhere else to live so i keep digging past what used to be on it and could leave. but im weak past what i always avoided. i feel useless unwanted. i cut my hair. No attention from him ive gained weight cant sleep alot and just want to break out in tears..he ignores me to the point id rather end it at times. im lonely sad and insecure and hate him.

  • On 29th Oct 2013 at 10:44 AM Mary Bowamn said...

    I have been with my husband for then 30 years now.He is a drinker could have done so much with he life. But let the drinking get the better of him.I can’t count in my head how many he stop drinking.I know he is not happy has never been happy he has always stop for me so he says like I said don’t even know any more. I want to make this short im not a good at spelling so if spell some wrong sorry im just trying to let it out.Any way I want it to be over with I think I always have. I know I always have.Now he has no job no one that can take him in I cant put him out there where has no roof over his head but a at ponit that I just wish God would take him because I feeling that is the only to be from. God for giving me. I just want to find out what it is like to be happy. sign Just Don’t Know What To DO.

  • On 31st Oct 2013 at 12:57 AM Dalila Stewart said...

    Im currently going through the silent treatment/Emotional abuse. Its soo bad, to finally wake up and realize the one you deeply love, never loved you. Only want to control you, turn you into human robot..

    I pray I will have enogh strength soon to remove myself from this (Toxic) situation..Ive been crying for three day now… Feeling alone and isolated. Whenever I leave to go to work, I feel like everyone can see my hurt and pain.. Its makes me want to go back home and lay in bed underneath the covers and cry..

    This isnt love.. Its torture..And I pray I can get out of this situation soon, while hes at work….

  • On 31st Oct 2013 at 10:04 AM Sandy said...

    I am not sure if I emotionally or mentally being abused. I am married a second time, my 2nd husband will yell at me and put me down if I was ever running late for an event. Now when he puts me down I go silent because if I try to defend myself or my 2 grown son’s he will berate me for hours. He talks about the girls they live with and plan to marry as in his works they are only in it to get there dicks polished. He always accuses me of keeping secrets from him and I do if it will cause me more grief from him but they are not really secrets I need to talk to someone. He started on with giving them each a line of credit to use and they use it and they have never missed a payment. He told them its for them to use as long as payments are made. Not 1 payment missed and now he says well they use the lines of credit you would think they would be standing on there own 2 feet by now. Mean while his son of 18 goes to university and works gets to keep his money and my husband gives him money that he does not have to pay back. I don’t know why he cares what they are doing or who they live with. Both are hard working young men. Go to work every day and bring in descent money. My husband is mean says nasty words to me. I told him if you don’t love me anymore to let me go and I will go. I am to the point when not at work I just want to sleep. When I sleep no one is mad at me. If he makes a plan no one can change that plan. He kicked my son out of the house when he asked for a plan change, then let him back in, now we had a plan and his son is changing the plan in a big way but its okay in his mind. Now I said I am not doing his plan because he is so unfair. I don’t want him to kick his son out I just want the rules to apply to his son at 18 that applied to my son at 20 years of age. He just let me have again last night so I have to be careful he either yells at me, put us down or gives me silent treatment. Am I okay?

  • On 1st Nov 2013 at 04:30 AM sudeera said...

    I have experienced this. I am so upset.i still have this problem from my husband. I want to know why he is behaving like this? please advise me.

  • On 1st Nov 2013 at 04:35 AM sudeera said...

    I experienced this type of silence from my husband. read all stories. very similar to his nature. please advise me what to do?

  • On 3rd Nov 2013 at 11:36 AM nomthando said...

    my boyfriend of six years is exactly like this..we have a baby now and da abuse has somehow gotten worse. he will manipulate situations and make it appear as though i am always wrong, he refuses to take ownership of anything wrong going on in our relationship and will ignore fone calls,text messages, emails i send to him. when he does call he will ask about our kid any nothing about me.one day we will be so lovey dovey hardly able to keep our hands off each other.it takes one lousy fight and hel ignore me for a whole week.

  • On 3rd Nov 2013 at 04:22 PM Marie Mcandrew said...

    thank you.
    My daughter - in- law did the silent treatment.  I asked if i did anything wrong to her, she said one word “NO”.  I have lived 15 years with this treatment - it drove me to counselors - who did not help- they did not know about what i just read from your message.
    I am a friendly, kind and not nosy at all, i am a loving person and i claim that all back today after reading your message.
    I am ready for a good cry today i did not deserve that treatment. Question: how do i handle a person who treats me this way.

  • On 18th Dec 2013 at 03:08 PM mae said...

    I thought it was just me…feeling like I was losing my mind. I went from happy and outgoing, to feeling depressed and nothing like my old self. In 2011, I lost my Father, my husband left I lost my job and soon after, my husband took my son. He gave me the silent treatment throughout the marriage of 17 yrs(and still does today)I filed for a divorce He made it clear when he left the home that he was going to make my life hell. He has succeeded and at the lowest point, due to his abuse…I finally snapped and just lost it on him. Needless to say, I spent 2 weeks in jail…but to this day, I have to say it was worth every second. Now, I feel like I am past it, over it and I certainly let him know what I thought of the yrs of abuse. Nobody should live like I was living. These people are so unworthy of a caring spouse. He nearly drove me to end it all on several occasions. I hated myself, I cried all the time and I am so happy to have come to my senses when I did. Punching him in the eye was a bonus. He deserved it and I finally came out of my depression. Run away as fast as you can if someone makes you sad all the time. The name calling, silent treatment and hatefulness is just not acceptable. I must tell you, up until then I was never a violent person, but abuse changes you and is so harmful to everyone that has to see it.

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