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Silent abuse – The mind game by Teresa Cooper

21st Nov 2013 | in

We have all suffered many forms of abuse but the least talked about is “The mind game” otherwise known as the silent treatment; ie deliberately ignored to cause harm to another persons mental well being, sent to Coventry, deliberate sabotage to a persons life or/and credibility and is one of the most harmful methods of abuse used by abusers who feel that

“If they do not use their hands to physically abuse then it isn’t abuse.”

Wrong

It is abuse to ignore someones needs emotionally and make them feel worthless, depressed and will cause long term damage so much so that in many cases it can lead to the victims physical health being harmed.

To deliberately cause harm to someone by use of the silent treatment, deny a person any emotional care, deny them any praise, starve them of love, affection, compliments, positive feed back, to regularly reject, degrade and deny a person any emotional responsiveness and to ignore a persons needs is mental abuse or also known as psychological abuse. It is repetitive abuse that’s aimed at controlling, diminishing another persons well being in order to hurt, punish, harm or control them.

The silent abuser is able to switch himself off emotionally to the pain and suffering he is causing his victim and will deny he is the problem and he may tell himself or others that he is the victim.

You stop being a victim when you become the abuser

The abuser is capable of closing down all reasonable sense of emotions and turn into a cold heart very fast as he withdraws into his own world without any care for his victims distress . The abuser will behave in society charming, calm, happy, he will be seen by others as a pillar of society, gentle natured, helpful, kind, caring and fool the outside world into thinking he is abused and his partner is the abuser. This is classic of a mental abuser. They will have their partner labelled a mental case whilst he plays the victim and saint and makes her the subject of of every ones rejection by labelling her with an unbalanced mind.

The true victim will be further rejected not only by her abuser but also by his friends, work colleagues, family and others he is likely to meet. The abuser needs to feel in control and he will seek constant approval from those around him and convince them that he’s the true victim. They will offer him advice and he will feed off their pity which will make him feel even more in control as he plays the victim.

The true victims may withdraw from all social activities, work, stop seeing family, they stop being fun, will see everything in a negative light, stop eating which is the start of dangerous health issues, cry alone, send text terror messages as a means to fight back which only gives the abuser more ammunition to abuse her with as he will use that as a further excuse to ignore and make her look bad in front of others. The abuser will happily share the text messages because he wants everyone to see him as the victim. The true victim will stop functioning on all levels as the mind games take over her life. She will find it hard to think of anything else but what is happening to her. The victim will fight with her own mind and struggle to work out if she is being abused or is she truly the problem. The victim may start behaving irrationally from the stress caused by the mental abuse.

Mental abuse is not normally seen by anyone on the outside looking in because they see the abuser as a strong, calm, caring and sincere person and will not be able to see the true character behind the person in front of them that they think they know so well.

Do you really know the person standing next to you?

Out of all the abuse I suffered (I am female), the one part of the abuse I have always struggled with is “being ignored” and made to feel I was in some way, the problem. When I begged for the abuser to stop he didn’t listen and when I sought help, no one listened. The more I was ignored the more it built up an extreme and unlikely intolerance for being “ignored” which has stayed with me as an adult. I left care with that intolerance to the ugly side of human nature that often sees many people misuse the silent treatment to harm others. Some justify this behaviour and kid themselves that it’s in some way an honourable stance to take. Ignoring someone briefly when done to express dissatisfaction is very different to the silent treatment. To ignore someone as a regular means to punish, hurt or upset someone as payback or for whatever reason, is in my opinion and the opinions of experts to be considered, one of the worst forms of mental abuse that exists in human nature. It causes irreparable damage to a person’s mind and will see the victims behaviour change slowly but noticeably when its out of control, especially by others who are close and on the outside looking in. There are times the abuse continues and the victims show now outward signs to those who are close while the mental abuser witnesses the dramatic and extreme behaviour change in a direct response to his/her mental abuse in the “silent treatment”.

The silent treatment is a form of punishment and control and the person using it to harm another, feels a lack of care, responsibility or remorse and can not or will not communicate as she/he watches the victim slowly deteriorate. Someone who was once a lively, happy and fun person to be around turns into a whole new personality and becomes withdrawn, reclusive or maybe verbally aggressive to the abuser in a vain bid to stop the abuse of the mind. The person dishing out the “silent treatment is FULLY aware of the damage they are doing and they are FULLY aware that all they need to do to stop the abuse is to simply talk to the victim. The abuser will not talk to the victim when in control mode and when he does he will constantly lead the victim into a false sense of security at leisure, only to ignore again.  The abuser will provoke any situation with silence which inevitably triggers off the victim who can never work out what has happened to warrant more silent treatment. Each time the victim finds himself/herself fighting desperately with the abuser in a vain bid to stop her/him giving the silent treatment all over again. Its a catch 22 for most when dealing with a narcissistic personality.

The victims behaviour can change so dramatically he/she is hardly recognized as being the same person. Every time the silent treatment begins the victim is pulled further and further down and the abuser sits back and carries on with daily chores, blatantly ignoring the victim whom is obviously so distressed that no normal thinking individual person could or would sit back and watch such a shocking display of suffering. The victim may withdraw completely, stop talking i.e. friends, stop socializing, stop eating, start drinking, stop working, start text terrorism against the abuser as a defence mechanism of protection but it never works, suicidal thoughts, self-harm and that’s just a few of the side effects of a victim suffering from mental abuse.

The “silent treatment” otherwise named as “deliberate intent to ignore” or “ATCH” which means ‘absent to cause harm’ which is where an abuser completely cuts the victim off and the abuser will not budge. They often acknowledge in their own minds that the victim is suffering but do nothing about it, walk away and simply ignore it.

The latter is a very dangerous form of mental abuse.

I have often heard stories of men ignoring their partner, even after causing such distress that she has taken to self-harm or attempts to take her own life. The mental abuse has weakened her once strong mind into a nerve wrecking display of self doubt and depression. The abuser will hear her calls of desperation and he will empty himself of all emotions and walk away. He will show no emotions as she tries to take her own life. He will convince himself that she deserves it for hurting his feelings by trying to fight back.

Its not often friends get to witness the mental abuse of the systematic silent treatment or mind games from a partner because it is silent. In some cases friends will witness erratic behaviour of the victim but cant quite understand what’s going on because the victim will blame everything but her abusive partner. It is rare anyone on the outside of the relationship sees the suffering of the victim as the abuse often like most forms of abuse stays “within the immediate relationship”. The male abusers friends will only see their charming friend who they all love because he will do anything for them but seldom do his friends or family witness what he is doing to his partner. They will only see the abusers partners displays of distress especially when triggered in a public place or social gathering.

The “silent treatment, ignoring or ATCH” abuser is fully aware of their actions and fully aware they are causing a significant amount of harm to the victim in most cases but there are those who do believe they are the victim. The victim may at times have the odd outburst in front of others or in a public place. The abuser will then inform his family of every little thing his victim/partner does as he seeks refuge in their company and portrays himself as the victim in need of support, because he has a totally “maniac” partner whose lost the plot. He is then seen as the wonderful soul who is good enough to tolerate such a manic person in a relationship.

This form of mental abuse is used more often by the man than a woman but men do suffer this same form of abuse and they too remain silent because they do not want to be seen as imasculine. 

Eventually once the victim has been totally broken down by the mental abuser, she will give up fighting back, beg for forgiveness and beg the abusive partner to forgive her. She may well go to the extremes to try and make it up to her man because she has been slowly drawn in and is now under his mind control. The man will continue to use this method of mind control and ignore, use the silent treatment or ATCH tactics until his partner has been totally exhausted, feels totally helpless and it opens her up to being controlled just so he can get what he wants. Sadly this form of abuse has seen the deaths of women who self-harmed or taken their lives when their cries for help are ignored by the abuser. It can be a consequence of the action.

Self-harm - deliberate cutting or mutilation of one’s own body including ripping hair out, stop eating, stop going out, withdraw from society, cut off hair, stay in bed, over eat or attempt suicide.

The reason I am touching on this subject is because I have seen a number of women email me on facebook who are going through this right now with their Turkish partners or they have just left such an abusive relationship and sit in silence blaming themselves. I also want to touch on this subject because I am a survivor of child abuse and I myself have gone through the mental abuse process and contrary to what people believe, it is not easy to leave such a controlling relationship.

Men who have been abused as children physically, sexually or mentally and/or suffered abuse by a parent due to the damaging effects of poverty are well known for using the “silent treatment, ignoring and ATCH” methods to punish and control their partners. These men will convince themselves they are not abusing because they haven’t physically hit the woman and he will convince her he’s very good to her by not saying anything. He will almost always convince himself he’s the victim and show no remorse at all for the suffering he is causing by punishing and controlling someone he claims to love. These men are often found unwilling to contribute to the relationship they are in and show little or no care or respect for their partner . He expects her to hold the entire relationship together all by herself whilst he laps up the comfort of control and does nothing to contribute or support the relationship. He will not show emotions when challenged or he may eventually turn to violence when confronted.

Ignoring a partner may also be a sign of infidelity or a man who is not in control of his own emotions and shuts down. Regardless of the circumstances, mental abuse and the negative power of the “silent treatment, being deliberately ignored or the ATCH” abuse is never the less very damaging for those on the receiving end and needs to be address by either the abuser entering therapy or for the victim to leave the situation.  If the man recognizes he’s an abuser lhe can seek help from a professional help. The victim must seek professional help to get out of such an abusive relationship before she is so worn down it will diminish her life slowly but surely.

When does the silent abuse turn into physical abuse?

UPDATE

This article also relates to men who also suffer this form of abuse by their partners.

Related story

Oh how I tried, Oh how I cried until the day he broke me. Life with a sociopathic love rat

Comments

  • On 4th Sep 2013 at 10:16 PM Philomena said...

    Im nearly into my 9th week of silent treatment over nothing. My husband says when I ask when he’s going to talk to me again - I am the bully - me! Just two of us in the house. This has not happened for a long while.  There is an element of control always but when he’s in good form he’s fine.  Have no family for support.  I hate telling people so I just say he has depression.  Can’t cope Im just a mess. Today Im calm but when alone I will have a cry again.

  • On 6th Sep 2013 at 04:52 AM Terese said...

    I thank everyone who has been honest enough and brave enough to tell their story.  You have strengthened me.

    My husband has been giving me the silent treatment for a bit over a year now.  It is the most devastating experience I have ever had.  We have been married for 28 years and, at one time, this man was so precious to me.  I am now counting the days until I can file for divorce.

    I have learned from sites like this that his shunning me, sleeping apart, looking right through me, etc. is CALCULATED SADISM.  He treats me so meanly and says, “I’m merely staying away.”  Like he is, innocently, just trying to cope.  Like most, I have begged, bargained, talked analytically, tried to be cheery, and threw fits of screaming;  ANYTHING to break this silent barrier.  I have become the official crazy person with my desperate pleading. Lately I have caught a look of hatred in his eyes that gives me chills.

    It is a very sad lesson to think that a man I wanted to die with is now killing me.  Not only am I emotionally shattered but I fear I could become seriously physically sick. I must remind myself that love, real love, does not freeze up like this.  I need to face the ugly facts about his character. And then run!

    Here’s my one question?  HAS ANYONE EVER WHEN THROUGH THE HELL OF THE SILENT TREATMENT THEN HAD THEIR MATE SNAP OUT OF IT AND RETURN TO THEIR OLD LOVING SELVES?  I know I’m looking for a reason to hang on. 

    I appreciate everyone’s truth and courage.

  • On 17th Sep 2013 at 02:31 PM Duane B said...

    I see women commenting about being abused by men here but what I find most interesting is that women are the ones who use this the most. Maybe it’s because I’m more outspoken then most men on my feelings, I have come across several women, especially my ex who used this method against me. She would shut down as stated above for days at a time thinking she was avoiding a,discussion that was needed. But nope I was right there.
    Ultimately our relationship ended because of this lack of communication…

  • On 18th Sep 2013 at 09:09 AM jenny thomas said...

    You’ve made some really good points there. I checked on the internet for additional information about the issue and found most individuals will go along with your views on this website.

  • On 19th Sep 2013 at 09:38 AM Belinda king said...

    I am so pleased I came across this site as I thought I was going mad ...my partner started giving me the silent treatment when I woke up and resized what he was trying to do to me . I made the mistake of giving him what he wants and listening to his needs over mine ....

  • On 22nd Sep 2013 at 02:40 PM Long suffering victim said...

    I am a victim of mental abuse my Mother has always used this she is very wicked for doing so I have health issues now I am in my 40’s. The reason I put up with it for so long was because I idolised her but she was cruel and ignored and had her favourites I have recently woken up and she’s not stopping with it even trying to get me to feel I was a bad mother when I have always put my children first. She tries to make my youngest son whom she sees has hers think I didn’t love him enough.

  • On 23rd Sep 2013 at 12:21 AM Aide said...

    Hello, I have been a victim of silent abuse for 8 years and I have been proactive in trying to find out why the abuser does this.
    Recently, after searched the Internet trying to get answers on how to cope,  deal and try to understand why my partner behaves in this manner and after dealing with the behavior for so long and being left at a lost each and every single time this happened, I was left angry each time I couldn’t understand why the man that claimed to love me so much do this to me, I told him how he made me feel and what he put me through each time but he never listen he would just ignore me more, so I started started sending him emails of all that I read about the silent treatment, I also text him bits and pieces of paragraphs I read. It was like if I was reading a story of my life and the behavior I had been dealing with. I am not advising anyone to do this I am only stating my experience, after sending him pages of silent abuse treatment and how it affects both of us, I believe he has read it and is making an effort to change. He has not continue to carry on in that horrible manner things are improving daily, things are not perfect but they are getting better, I don’t think he realize the affect that he was having n me until re read the different articles I sent him.

  • On 24th Sep 2013 at 01:53 PM Ira said...

    My husband does this to me every time he is upset with me. I have never had anyone in my life who said they love me and then make me suffer so much. I asked him to stop so many times, but I know now he will not, ever….so I am leaving 7 years marriage in order to survive. Its just so sad that there is monsters like this out there, I used to love him and thought I am lucky, he broke me mental, I am no longer fun happy woman, I drink too much, I aged and I cry more then he ever know…

  • On 24th Sep 2013 at 06:05 PM Ali said...

    Well, with all his silent emotional abuse and his demons, he cheated on me. Such a selfish man to allow me to think I was crazy and wrong. He gaslighted me and made me think I was the one with the problems. He doesn’t like to problems. He thinks everything should be honky dory living in some fantasy land. God forbid, I bring to his attention that I am not cool with something. Now, because of his crap, he caused so much pain but in light of it all, he’s now faced with his demons.

  • On 24th Sep 2013 at 10:23 PM Johnny D said...

    What a great piece ! I am a man and have experienced this almost exactly, over a 2-year period, and it had all those effects, even the worst ones. I only recently ended it after having a lot of time away during a separation. She reared the ugly abusive head again during an argument, and the light went on for me. I resolved, “No more.” Since I made that decision, I am already much happier and coming more and more back to life, unafraid to be myself.

    Predictably, I can not even get her to respond to me about the issue of divorce, to discuss it at all. The silent treatment ! I decided it’s better to just file. The ignoring is just me giving her more control, and she is no longer entitled to ANY over me.

  • On 25th Sep 2013 at 01:05 AM Banny said...

    This is classic. I kept blaming myself for starting a fight and thought we could work it out. He went silent on me and said he needed time. Time? You talk and work it out. Eventually I texted and called but he never responded and when he did it was cold. I emailed saying I was sorry for whatever I did but still silent. You can’t love someone and then treat them like they don’t exist.  I’m heartbroken and now on antidepressants but I realize that the reason this relationship hurt the most was because he was emotionally abusive.  He didn’t like it when I went out without him and he didn’t like it when my guy friends msged me. It was all signs I didn’t pick up until the end. I thought he was just jealous.  It was about control… Of my time, my friends and who I talked to. This article opened my eyes.  I’m not the bad person he made me believe I am.  I can love and deserve to be loved.  Watch out for the guys who can pretend to love you and do all the right things but when it doesn’t go their way, they turn on.  Lesson learned.

  • On 26th Sep 2013 at 01:36 AM jacqui said...

    I have been with my husband for 18 years and have suffered this form of abuse over and over again.  Today, I finally took control back of my own life and decided I need to breathe pure air instead of the stench filled shite that he pollutes my environment with. 

    It is incredibly hard to break free of this type of abuse because they also give just enough for you to believe they will change, yet they never will and never intend to. It’s all a ploy to keep you dangling because they can’t bare to be alone - who would they victimise if you weren’t there?  How else can they feel good about themselves if they have no-one else to put down?

    Their only aim in life is to have absolute control over their victim.  By their very nature they are parasitic, sucking the life out of a partner, while appearing to be the perfect gent in public.  Even my own family thought he was Mr. Wonderful, perhaps because I never told them my problems in my marriage, I was too embarrassed by the constant rounds of silent abuse and made excuses as to why we had to cancel dinner dates and events.
     
    He has tried, almost successfully to convince them I am a nutcase, but he didn’t allow for the fact that I, unlike him, have a very close family who saw through him in the end.

    I only wish I had the knowledge I have now much sooner, it would have saved me so much heart ache and grief and I would not have wasted the best years of my life on a leech.

  • On 26th Sep 2013 at 05:57 PM K said...

    About a year ago, I broke up with my ex.  It was a complicated situation and at the time, I believed that I was truly going crazy.  I have a very strong willpower and understanding of myself, and if not for that I think I would have been truly lost.  It’s hard to explain to others what is happening, and it’s even harder when people I thought were friends called me a crazy ex because of what he said to them about me.  My reaction to this mental abuse was exactly as described here, and he used my reactions against me to tear down my confidence and positive mentality.  I began feeling that I was worthless, not good enough for him or anyone else, and that I was a crazy person who was unfit for a relationship.  Later, I realized that the problem wasn’t me no matter how much he claimed it was true. It was very difficult to come to that realisation, and when I finally broke it off, I was devastated.  The past year has been very hard because I still loved him and he exploited that to hurt me, blaming me for ruining our relationship and his life. I found out from his long-term gf before me had the exact same problems with him, and is still trying to recover years later.  I don’t know what he is doing now, we haven’t spoken in a long time, but I know he has been seeing another girl and I hope that she will do whatever she can to protect herself and get out before it’s too late.

  • On 28th Sep 2013 at 11:45 PM Sorrycanttell said...

    i was in this situation for so long and suddely the other person ‘‘the abuser’’ (I dont like to call her this way because it makes me the victim which I dont like to label myself as), just replaced me for another person, after giving me a lot of hopes that I would always be the one, and insinuating that as long as i waited long enough she would come back, by saying stuff like ‘‘good bye my everything’‘, ‘‘you are that person’‘. This situation is so sick because i can tell you what happened next, I went on like a crazy person, thinking that I had lost everything I had, I called her 3 months later and she told me she couldnt talk to me and turned the situation around as if I was the guilty one again. She said that her new boyfriend was totally mad because I called, although for 3 years and a half i had done everything for this woman, and for those 3 months I had only talked to her once in the hope that she would finally explain everything and tell me that I didnt have a chance anymore. she even told me she wasent sure about her feelings about the other guy.
    Anyhow, long story short. It made me feel, for a whole year, that I was worth nothing, because this person turned me down like an old peace of cloth that didnt fit anymore, and because I had put all me self-value in fulfilling her needs, in my mind, her turning me down was like being worth nothing. One year later I tryed again, like an obsessed person i tryed to be friends. Not because I intimately wanted her back because sincerely I couldnt imagine that anymore, but because i desperatly needed that person in my life, it just didnt make sense that someone would just disappear out of nothing, like as if she had been sucked into a black whole, after having been everything to me for 3 years. I made the huge mistake of writing a big text, telling her about all that I felt about this situation, exposing myself again. And there it was again, 3 simple lines, saying the minimum possible and with the giant capacity of making me feel the ‘‘totally wrong’’ one again. She even said ‘‘we cant be friends, although the guy doesnt mind, i dont want to put him in a bad situation, but sometime we can go drink a coffee so you can see how well im doing with him’‘, i.e. she wrote this in such a way as if she was the sweetest one again, and I was the evil creature who was atempting to do harm, but the worst, she didnt SAY it, there you have it, silent treatment, she just made me feel that way. Its so hard to imagine that i’ve gotten into such a mindf* because, like your text says, I was a really fulfilled person before I met her, I had a lot of friends and a great social life. I realize that I must have had some susceptibility in order not to recognize all this, but its reaaaally tricky, I tell you, this silent treatment plays with you on a level that you just cant influence, especially when you are a person susceptible to feel guilty fast. When I look back now I realize that she used silenttreatment from early on, like, after a discussion where she didnt say much, not saying anything for 3 days. Making me feel that i had hurt her a lot. I would spend a horrible time at home thinking she was feeling sad, while probably she was just having fun as usual. After those 3 days she would send the sweatest apology after I talked to her, making her look like and angel. Ah, this was also very common, she ould always say that she was just going to talk to me, like for example: on wendnesday i planned to go visit you but you count wait long enough again. This time I waited for a year and a half and not a single text came. After all this I felt that I have no value whatsoever, this is what i FELT, not what i knew, and again, I hate the victim thing, and I dont like to think of myself as such, im just sharing this for other people in this situation. I noticed that I had the tendency to do a lot of things under my worth, that I wouldnt have done before, i was somehow drawn to it, like it was the things i deserved/that suited me, I’m really working on this though. I’ve become a much stronger person since all of this started and its gotten a lot better. Reading all this made me realize for the first time that what happened to me has a name, and is not something i cant grab/cant see/that it is nothing/that i had nothing to complain about. Just a litte word about the worst thing she has done: Once she called me and told me she was going to kill herself and just turned of the phone. I spent the worst half an hour of my lie, drowned in agony and guilt. Thinking that she was really going to do it and that I couldnt do anything about it. I had nightmares. It was really a living hell. and she always made me feel that she liked me more than anyone in the world. she either faked very well or she has a serious problem. As you said, she had some issues in her childhood, but I dont know, a lot of people have those problems, some turn out to be the ‘‘guilty-feeling’’ ones, I guess that it also comes with the person. In order to be a silent treater you need to have the capacity of knowing how the other person feels and still not doing anything about it.I guess that my tendency is to imediatly and sometimes unecessary warning people of all sorts of things just so they dont get hurt be something, i.e. the opposite. Maybe because i am like this I assumed she would be aswell. Or maybe she didnt know what it was provoking in me and thought i didnt care that much and was a faker like her. She would make me feel guilty about friends i had, things i liked, something i had done in the past, just by saying nothing at all.
    To sum up, silent treatment is horrible, you cant call it one of the worst abuses because you cant grab it, but it tears you appart on the inside, it makes you go against your deepst friend, your own self, it makes you doubt about stuff you always were sure about. I wish you all the luck not to get in this situation, and by reading all this and other posts, I hope that being more aware of it helps.

  • On 29th Sep 2013 at 03:50 PM Cathy said...

    This article has awakened me to understand what a friend of mine is going through. I really wish I had the knowledge of this abuse earlier so that I could help my friend instead of taking sides with the real abuser. I supported the abuser thinking that he was the victim while they split up. I spent the rest of the year feeling so bad that they got back together and that he was in this bad relationship. I alienated my friend when she needed me most. I still talk to my friend but she doesn’t have trust in me now. I’m so sad that I fell for this behavior. I can now try to continue to let her know that I’m here unconditionally and will not abandon her again. I told her that, let’s hope it will eventually help her.

  • On 30th Sep 2013 at 03:07 AM Matt said...

    Well.  Interesting subject on this site.  I am a man married to a silent treatment expert; so I presently believe.  Like most men, we keep quiet on the subject of abuse from our spouses.

    To keep it simple, I have never understood why anyone may need quiet time beyond 30-60 minutes to take time to think about a discussion situation.  It amazes me that the abuser can (at their will) turn a pause into several days and is used as a “silent treatment”.  It is like they want to stop the discussion.  They freeze every attempt to be close, intimate, and learn more about their partner - just to control the relationship rather than be vulnerable and grow it by discussion.

    I read many of the responses before this writing.  I was described previously as: outgoing, good socializer, great networker, and so forth years ago.  Now I have become too focused on pleasing the doer of the Silent Treatments to “keep her happy.” 

    I have been through this for 12 yrs. As soon as I recover from the negative financial affects this relationship has had on me, I will smoothly and gently exit.

  • On 2nd Oct 2013 at 10:13 AM Ingrid Mason said...

    My sister and her husband have been doing this to my elderly parents for close to ten years. When my father—whom they claimed to adore—was dying, they kept the silent treatment up.
    When he died, they showed up at the funeral and clamored for attention. People were nice to them.
    And then, when everyone but immediate family was gone, they caused a hideous scene. Since that day, they have not spoken to my mother or anyone else.
    Ironically, my mother is guilty of this type of abuse herself. She phones me and my brother every day. It has been that way for decades. If one of us says anything she does not like—it can be ridiculously minor—the silent treatment starts, and she will not phone for days, or in one case, weeks. It is upsetting and abusive. And I hate it. Sometimes, she will do it if she is angry because she believes you were home and did not pick up the phone during her third or fourth call of the day.

  • On 4th Oct 2013 at 11:00 AM broken girl said...

    I felt this whole article was written about me. I have been trying to search up abuse articles that relate to my situation and I couldn’t find any until I stumbled upon this one. This describes my whole relationship with him to a T. I suffered both mental and physical ab use and attempted suicidebecause I couldn’t take it anymore. I am still suffering the affects of leaving him today. He has played mind games and continued to do so after I left, giving me that false sense of hope. Him knowing how much I loved him, used it to his advantage, it feels like he enjoys torturing me, I’m like his puppet. He has made me look crazy to everyone and I’m pretty broken. But this article has reassured me that it wasn’t my fault, something I questioned many times. Thank you, thank you bless x

  • On 5th Oct 2013 at 10:44 AM sandy said...

    I to am in a relationship were silent abuse is a weekly event. I have only been in the relationship for two years but he goes from sweet to omg in seconds and I thought he was cheating still think he is to realizing that does not matter. its the abuse and what its doing to me that matters but I don’t know how to get away he has in trapped me he controls me I do nothing that I enjoy any more I am having bad thoughts all the time of self harm but he dos’nt care, I think it would make him get the attention and pitty he is wanting signed help me god in heaven

  • On 6th Oct 2013 at 03:20 AM Babygirl said...

    I wanted to find out, if it was me, or if it is him. I never know when the silent treatment is coming, or how long it last. I am fighting my tears as I write this. I am so tired.
    I came over from another country, and he said he wanted to marry. I started out as his fiance, but after an episode he introduced me as a friend, and slowly went to girlfriend.
    If I say or do something, (buying something he do not like, with my own money), silent treatment. Or if we are out, never talk to me. Or say something that make me feel like shit….(sorry).
    I am so tired. And I do not know how to do this anymore. I used to be this happy, funny person, laughing at anything and nothing. But he, and his sister, has ruined that. I do not talk much anymore. I do not laugh much. It has been years since I had that wonderful stomackaching laughter.

    I will not let him control me, and he know that. He always say he is a grown ass man, he does what he want. And he do.

    I love him, but I have found that I am also scared of him. Scared he will say something if I do not do this or that. I hate it. And at the same time, I love him.

    Oh, he gives compliments…lol…to everyone else. And laugh and show this happy face. He fit everything said here. And it scare me!

    But, how can one leave someone one love….

    I have told him he should hit me, instead of being silent. I would take that better. I mean, I have been in a relationship where he beat me, but at least he talked. This man do not talk. He also have told me he do not want to “talk to your sorry ass”. That hurt.
    So we do not talk about me or my family, my kids etc. Only about what he wanna talk about….

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